So, this weekend I had to mop my floors for the first time without my "true Original" Pine Sol https://www.pinesol.com/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=pine-sol%2520with&utm_campaign=PS_Brand_Exact and let me just say, I'm not happy! I used Mr. Clean (not bashing them, because I'm just starting to use it) and it just wasn't the same. I refuse to use any other scents of the Pine Sol, because since I've always used and loved the "true Original" scent, why would I change. If I liked the others, I would have already been using them.
I'm a creature of habit (like you wouldn't know that if you didn't know me), but more than that, when I find something I like, I do not change. I do not adjust to change well anyway (again, no surprise to those who know me), so this is not sitting very well with me.
Then I think (when this all first happened), oh it will be like Coke and they will go back to the original. Well, NO, that apparently isn't an option according to the person (or computer response) who responded to my letter (yes, I'm that person that wrote a letter, more than once). The words used were very to the point, we will not be returning to the "true Original" scent.
Well, for that, Pine Sol, I will find my new "go to" cleaner and turns out, I clean a lot and once I become comfortable with a new cleaner I will remain loyal to them (unless they go changing something that isn't broken like you did).
This may seem pretty petty to most people, but I LOVED the "true Original" Pine Sol. I DO NOT like the "new original" scent and they say it is longer lasting, no it isn't! I've used the "true Original" Pine Sol since I was old enough to clean with a cleaner and I know how the "true Original" smells and lasts and this new isn't it.
I'm hoping Mr. Clean works out for me, because as much as I buy cleaning supplies, I am not in the mood to trying 100 different products to find one that makes me happy since I was forced to change from something that was perfectly fine!
Until I am certain about this new product I will keep my opinion of it to myself and reserve the right or need to express those feelings until I know exactly how I do or do not like it.
Since my stock pile of all the "true Original" Pine Sol has now been depleted I have no choice, but I am using something new under protest.
I guess only time will tell if I will like this new choice, but if the folks at Pine Sol have noticed their stock price dropping or inventory in the stores aren't moving as quickly and at the quantity it used to, it's probably due to the fact that most likely one of your largest purchasing customers is not happy with this change. Have you never heard if it isn't broken, don't "fix" it? Well, the "true Original" wasn't broken.
I still hold out hope that you will get it like Coke did and return to the "true Original" Pine Sol scent, because the others just are not the same and I will be boycotting any other product made by Pine Sol for that reason. Mr. Clean, I sure hope you are not part of the Pine Sol company or you will be going bye-bye too.
Ugh! @pinesol #frustratedcleaner
Monday, December 8, 2014
Monday, December 1, 2014
Four Years
It is hard to believe it's been four years and other times it feels like it's been forever since I've hugged you or just been in your presence. To say you are missed would be a true understatement. No real words exist (that I've been able to find yet anyway) to truly express the sadness and pain that comes with you not being on this earth everyday.
At the same time there is that pain and sadness, strangely there is a certain amount of peace that flows knowing you are not suffering or having to watch your brothers suffer on a daily basis. As odd as that sounds, it does give me a certain amount of peace.
This day in 2010 will never leave us. I will never forget what it felt like for that doorbell to ring and Tebo telling me they were in uniform. I felt sick and at the same time, I knew why they were there at that point. I didn't want to believe it and honestly, I still don't today, but I had to accept it.
If I'm breathing, I am missing you. If I'm breathing, I long for you. If I'm breathing, the pain is there. I would have given my life to spare yours without a second thought. That's just what parents do I suppose, but more than just words, I would have done that. You had so much life yet to live, but I have to believe the Lord spared you from a far worse fate and that's what I have to remember and remind myself daily of.
Chad, you were truly the best thing I ever did in my life. You made me proud to call you son and still today seeing the lives you continue to touch make me just as proud of you as if you were still on this earth.
I won't lie, some days it feels impossible to go on. It hurts too much! I know that isn't an option and for as long as the Lord sees fit to keep me on this earth that is how it will be and I will do the best I can at continuing to try and make you proud and take care of your buddies and their families.
You would be so proud of them call, son. They do such a great job of checking on us and making sure we are as ok as we can be and for that we will forever be grateful. That makes me believe even more that not only were you a great friend, you picked great friends. Once again, making me proud to call you my son.
Four years.... It's just hard to believe it's been four years. I don't want these past four years the way we had to live them and I don't want the next, however many years we have, but it is what it is and I promise to do the best I can to carry on and try to make you as proud as I can.
You are loved and missed every day and only when I breathe.
At the same time there is that pain and sadness, strangely there is a certain amount of peace that flows knowing you are not suffering or having to watch your brothers suffer on a daily basis. As odd as that sounds, it does give me a certain amount of peace.
This day in 2010 will never leave us. I will never forget what it felt like for that doorbell to ring and Tebo telling me they were in uniform. I felt sick and at the same time, I knew why they were there at that point. I didn't want to believe it and honestly, I still don't today, but I had to accept it.
If I'm breathing, I am missing you. If I'm breathing, I long for you. If I'm breathing, the pain is there. I would have given my life to spare yours without a second thought. That's just what parents do I suppose, but more than just words, I would have done that. You had so much life yet to live, but I have to believe the Lord spared you from a far worse fate and that's what I have to remember and remind myself daily of.
Chad, you were truly the best thing I ever did in my life. You made me proud to call you son and still today seeing the lives you continue to touch make me just as proud of you as if you were still on this earth.
I won't lie, some days it feels impossible to go on. It hurts too much! I know that isn't an option and for as long as the Lord sees fit to keep me on this earth that is how it will be and I will do the best I can at continuing to try and make you proud and take care of your buddies and their families.
You would be so proud of them call, son. They do such a great job of checking on us and making sure we are as ok as we can be and for that we will forever be grateful. That makes me believe even more that not only were you a great friend, you picked great friends. Once again, making me proud to call you my son.
Four years.... It's just hard to believe it's been four years. I don't want these past four years the way we had to live them and I don't want the next, however many years we have, but it is what it is and I promise to do the best I can to carry on and try to make you as proud as I can.
You are loved and missed every day and only when I breathe.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
The Visit
Last night, November 24, 2014, I had my first dream of Chad. It was simple and short, but the most powerful thing I've ever experienced. I wasn't sure I was going to even say anything to anyone, but it was just so real and touched me in such a profound way I had to share it. I told Tebo and I was a bit worried he would think I was crazy(ier), but I should have known this would be how he would respond. He just simply said, "I think it's great". What? That's what flashed through my head for a split second. You don't think I'm crazy? That's what was running through my head, but he was absolutely perfect. I needed that validation I guess to prove to myself that I wasn't crazy.
Several people had told me that Chad would "visit me" in my dreams, but I never got that. Others said they had dreams about Chad and I was beginning to think it would never happen to me. The only thoughts I had in my sleep of Chad were all of the doorbell ringing or what the incident may have been like, but nothing as precious as this.
When I say it was simple, it really was. I will share that moment with those willing to read this and if no one does, then it will just be for me. I'm good either way.
Tebo and I were somewhere (not sure where), but we had visitors come over (I don't know who these visitors were), but suddenly Chad appeared and took his jacket off and he was wearing a white t-shirt (I couldn't see the whole t-shirt, but for some reason it felt like it was his favorite TN t-shirt). He leaned down and hugged me and said "I love you mom". I said, oh I love you too son and I miss you. He just kept telling me he loved me and hugging me like he always did when he really needed a hug. Then he said, "mom, I have to go". I kept asking him to stay and he would tell me he loved me, but he had to go and just like that it was over.
When I tell you it felt real, it truly did. It was as if I could truly feel his arms around me tightly. It actually reminded me of the hug he gave me when he called me back to the graduation location of his high school graduation and hugged me when he really needed one. He just held on and I held right back. I didn't want it to stop and even as I type this I can't stop the flow of tears. I don't know if the tears are happy or sad, but regardless, they won't stop.
It will be four (4) years Monday, December 1st, since he left this earth and missing him is physically and emotionally painful. I don't believe it will ever get easier (as it shouldn't get easy to miss my baby), I believe, for me, I will get better at living in a somewhat fake way of surviving each day. Some days are easier to do this than others and some days just feel like I am going through the motions of life and at the end of the day not even sure how I did it. I guess that is just one of the ways the Lord steps in and just handles my day in my place and allows me to be lost in my thoughts of Chad.
If Chad were able to hear me I would speak this little note to him:
Several people had told me that Chad would "visit me" in my dreams, but I never got that. Others said they had dreams about Chad and I was beginning to think it would never happen to me. The only thoughts I had in my sleep of Chad were all of the doorbell ringing or what the incident may have been like, but nothing as precious as this.
When I say it was simple, it really was. I will share that moment with those willing to read this and if no one does, then it will just be for me. I'm good either way.
Tebo and I were somewhere (not sure where), but we had visitors come over (I don't know who these visitors were), but suddenly Chad appeared and took his jacket off and he was wearing a white t-shirt (I couldn't see the whole t-shirt, but for some reason it felt like it was his favorite TN t-shirt). He leaned down and hugged me and said "I love you mom". I said, oh I love you too son and I miss you. He just kept telling me he loved me and hugging me like he always did when he really needed a hug. Then he said, "mom, I have to go". I kept asking him to stay and he would tell me he loved me, but he had to go and just like that it was over.
When I tell you it felt real, it truly did. It was as if I could truly feel his arms around me tightly. It actually reminded me of the hug he gave me when he called me back to the graduation location of his high school graduation and hugged me when he really needed one. He just held on and I held right back. I didn't want it to stop and even as I type this I can't stop the flow of tears. I don't know if the tears are happy or sad, but regardless, they won't stop.
It will be four (4) years Monday, December 1st, since he left this earth and missing him is physically and emotionally painful. I don't believe it will ever get easier (as it shouldn't get easy to miss my baby), I believe, for me, I will get better at living in a somewhat fake way of surviving each day. Some days are easier to do this than others and some days just feel like I am going through the motions of life and at the end of the day not even sure how I did it. I guess that is just one of the ways the Lord steps in and just handles my day in my place and allows me to be lost in my thoughts of Chad.
If Chad were able to hear me I would speak this little note to him:
Sweet son, thank you for the visit that filled my heart
with a warm and comforting feeling.
You had to go as quickly as you arrived, almost like real life.
It was as hard to let go of that hug from you as it was everyday of your life on earth.
I cherish every moment I had with you and I long for even one more.
I believe that longing will last until we meet again at the gates of heaven.
There isn't a moment when I'm breathing that I'm not missing and loving you.
This world is not the same with you not in it and it's felt without ceasing.
The only comfort I can find in not having you here is that you aren't suffering
and I know you are with our other loved ones that went before you and
that I will see you again one day.
The knowledge of that is truly what helps me get up each day and put my feet on the floor.
I hope you are dancing with the angels and hunting, fishing, and playing golf if that is allowed.
Thank you for being the kind of friend that has made it possible for your friends to continue loving
me for you so that it feels like I continue to have a piece of you all around me.
Again, sweet son, thank you for the special hug and the I love yous you gave me Monday night.
I've waited almost four years for that little visit and I will cherish it always.
love, mom
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Veteran's Day 2014
First things first, to all who have served this country in any military capacity, past and present, THANK YOU! Thank you for your service and sacrifices you have made and continue to make on our behalf. Thank you feels so inadequate for how I truly feel in my heart, but those are the only words I know to use to describe it. Personally, I think every day should be your day. For me and my family, I know we feel gratitude daily for all you have done and continue to do for us, but on this day, I love that our Nation comes together to honor and thank you formally.
Today is the day to celebrate Veterans. It is YOUR day and no one else's day. Now, I say that, but let me clarify one thing. Those spouses and parents and family members that are supporting our military deserve a huge thanks as well. It's not easy to sit idly by while your loved ones are in harms way, but you do it (I've done it) and you deserve a huge thank you as well, but today, we should focus on our Veterans. The ones that have and continue to put their very lives on the line for all of us. They are doing the job that few are willing to do and for that some take great criticism and that hurts my heart.
I can't count the times I've heard people say, well, they signed up for it. They knew what they were getting into (my son included). Well, yes, they did sign up, but at 18 and 19 years old, I can tell you with all certainty that they didn't truly know what they were signing up for, but they learned very quickly and they had to grow up even faster. For some, this is their first time away from home and family and that in and of itself is hard, but they push through and they become Marines, Navy Men/Women, Soldiers, Coast Guardsman (I know my terminology isn't accurate, but you get my point), and National Guard. This is certainly not an easy process these young men and women go through, but they do it and many without complaint. It really does irritate me when people out there tend to take the fact that "they signed up" for an okay reason for something terrible should happen to them and their families. If it weren't for these brave young men and women "signing up" there would be a Draft (again). Then some of those sitting around so eager to make that statement having to serve unwillingly and I have no doubt if they answered their Nation's call, they would do it with pride and honor. If you have ever been guilty of uttering those words, I would challenge you to stop and think what things would have been like after 9/11 when our country was under attack and we went to war (again) and we didn't have these brave young men and women to "sign up" in our place. We may have all been on the list to be drafted. So maybe, just maybe, you could stop and consider that before making that type of statement and better yet, if you hear someone make that statement, you could very nicely remind them of that fact.
I, for one, could not be more proud of the military men and women I know and some I've come to call my "bonus kids". Some have now returned to civilian life (which is no picnic by the way) and some continue to serve today. I love each and every one of them and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. It is my hope and prayer that each day they know and believe that my family and I love them, support them, and thank them for all they do for us on a daily basis.
Today is the day to celebrate Veterans. It is YOUR day and no one else's day. Now, I say that, but let me clarify one thing. Those spouses and parents and family members that are supporting our military deserve a huge thanks as well. It's not easy to sit idly by while your loved ones are in harms way, but you do it (I've done it) and you deserve a huge thank you as well, but today, we should focus on our Veterans. The ones that have and continue to put their very lives on the line for all of us. They are doing the job that few are willing to do and for that some take great criticism and that hurts my heart.
I can't count the times I've heard people say, well, they signed up for it. They knew what they were getting into (my son included). Well, yes, they did sign up, but at 18 and 19 years old, I can tell you with all certainty that they didn't truly know what they were signing up for, but they learned very quickly and they had to grow up even faster. For some, this is their first time away from home and family and that in and of itself is hard, but they push through and they become Marines, Navy Men/Women, Soldiers, Coast Guardsman (I know my terminology isn't accurate, but you get my point), and National Guard. This is certainly not an easy process these young men and women go through, but they do it and many without complaint. It really does irritate me when people out there tend to take the fact that "they signed up" for an okay reason for something terrible should happen to them and their families. If it weren't for these brave young men and women "signing up" there would be a Draft (again). Then some of those sitting around so eager to make that statement having to serve unwillingly and I have no doubt if they answered their Nation's call, they would do it with pride and honor. If you have ever been guilty of uttering those words, I would challenge you to stop and think what things would have been like after 9/11 when our country was under attack and we went to war (again) and we didn't have these brave young men and women to "sign up" in our place. We may have all been on the list to be drafted. So maybe, just maybe, you could stop and consider that before making that type of statement and better yet, if you hear someone make that statement, you could very nicely remind them of that fact.
I, for one, could not be more proud of the military men and women I know and some I've come to call my "bonus kids". Some have now returned to civilian life (which is no picnic by the way) and some continue to serve today. I love each and every one of them and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. It is my hope and prayer that each day they know and believe that my family and I love them, support them, and thank them for all they do for us on a daily basis.
HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY 2014
God bless each and every one of you!
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Twenty Nine
That's how many days until it has officially been 4 years since Chad left this earth. Four years! It still feels like yesterday, but when I started thinking of 4 years I thought, WOW! The first 4 years of your baby's life tend to go so quickly and before you know you are getting school shots for kindergarten. It takes 4 years to get through high school. He would have completed 4 years in the Marine Corps shortly after returning home from Afghanistan. So really, 4 years seems like nothing, but this 4 years has felt almost like it's been frozen in time. It's very odd, really. In some ways it feels like yesterday and in other ways it feels forever. The only way it feels forever for me is in the fact that it feels like forever since I've seen that crooked smile. Forever since I've gotten that amazing hug from him. Forever since I've smelled him (you know, that distinct smell that lets you know your son is in the room). I miss all of that. That's how it feels forever. However, every morning it feels like yesterday that the doorbell rang. It feels like yesterday when we were thrown into this vortex of craziness that went so fast that once it was all over I had to stop and try to remember what just happened. There are days now that I have to physically stop and try and remember the details during that craziness.
Twenty nine days and I will be forced to realize that I have managed in some odd way to continue breathing without my sweet boy on this earth. In some ways that really pisses me off and in other ways I wonder how I've been able to accomplish that. Some of those days were truly a blur and not really sure how I got from morning until night. Most days I feel I just go through the motions and once I get home it feels good to just exhale and not fake a smile or fake being glad to be wherever I am at the moment.
Life does go on. I don't have to like it and I don't even have to want it, but it does. Today and in 29 days I will miss him just as much as the moment on 12-1-10 when that doorbell rang and I knew I would never get to see him alive on this earth again. That will never change. I don't care what people say, it doesn't get easier and you don't miss them less and you don't think of them less. Others just don't want to discuss it as much, and that is ok. Everyone has their own ways of getting through the next day and dealing with loss. For me, I'm not real sure how I deal with any of it or if I even do. I know I don't have a choice and I am extremely blessed with all the bonus kids I have. I'm lucky enough to have Tia, Trevor, Candi, Nathan, and Lil Miss (Lorin) and all Chad's high school friends that have been so amazing to have just adopted us and all his Marine buddies that continue to take care of us and making sure we are ok. I have an amazing family and my husband couldn't be more perfect for me. None of this takes away the pain of not having my Chadman here, but it sure makes it easier to cope day to day.
Until that day when I get to see him again I will continue to miss him, but I will love all my bonus kids to the fullest and their babies as well as my family that continues to help me get through each and every day.
I saw a perfect quote today: The hardest part wasn't losing you, it was learning to live without you... I don't know the author, but it speaks volumes.
Twenty nine days and I will be forced to realize that I have managed in some odd way to continue breathing without my sweet boy on this earth. In some ways that really pisses me off and in other ways I wonder how I've been able to accomplish that. Some of those days were truly a blur and not really sure how I got from morning until night. Most days I feel I just go through the motions and once I get home it feels good to just exhale and not fake a smile or fake being glad to be wherever I am at the moment.
Life does go on. I don't have to like it and I don't even have to want it, but it does. Today and in 29 days I will miss him just as much as the moment on 12-1-10 when that doorbell rang and I knew I would never get to see him alive on this earth again. That will never change. I don't care what people say, it doesn't get easier and you don't miss them less and you don't think of them less. Others just don't want to discuss it as much, and that is ok. Everyone has their own ways of getting through the next day and dealing with loss. For me, I'm not real sure how I deal with any of it or if I even do. I know I don't have a choice and I am extremely blessed with all the bonus kids I have. I'm lucky enough to have Tia, Trevor, Candi, Nathan, and Lil Miss (Lorin) and all Chad's high school friends that have been so amazing to have just adopted us and all his Marine buddies that continue to take care of us and making sure we are ok. I have an amazing family and my husband couldn't be more perfect for me. None of this takes away the pain of not having my Chadman here, but it sure makes it easier to cope day to day.
Until that day when I get to see him again I will continue to miss him, but I will love all my bonus kids to the fullest and their babies as well as my family that continues to help me get through each and every day.
I saw a perfect quote today: The hardest part wasn't losing you, it was learning to live without you... I don't know the author, but it speaks volumes.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
When we let others disappoint us
I have had yet another hard lesson learned on allowing myself to give someone yet another chance to do the right thing and then finding myself disappointed when they let me down again.
This person, who will remain nameless, has always been a very important person in my life (or so I thought). I have loved this person unconditionally and many times this person was not lovable, but without fail, I loved and trusted and believed in this person.
Well, once again, this person has proven unworthy of my trust and unconditional love. Now what makes it a bit harder is I know the Lord commands us to love one another and have forgiveness so I am struggling with that piece of it, but I'm trusting the Lord will help me get through that part, and he will.
There are several things wrong with this person and the things this person does to others, family, and unsuspecting future people who will be taken by this person. One is the fact that this person uses people. I don't mean like some of us can do when we may use the relationships we have with others to help us get a leg up or get our foot in the door, typically the person helping you do that is aware. The kind of using this person does is the hurtful kind. This person makes you feel like you are the most important person in their life and there would be nothing this person wouldn't do for you, but the moment you either don't give this person what they need or want or heaven forbid you do something that this person perceives as against them, you will be cut out of that person's life like you never existed. I know, this sounds harsh and you may be wondering, how could I talk about someone I said I loved so much like this. Well, when this has been done to you by this person so many times you lose count, it seems quite easy to say these things and also, because these things are true.
Don't get me wrong, I still don't want anything terrible to happen to this person. There is a piece of me that will always love this person, but there comes a time in every one's life I guess when we realize that sometimes you just have to know when to walk away and for me, that time is now.
I have been there for this person when some people wouldn't have been. I believed in this person when few people did and just to find out that this person was once again using me for their own gain and would lie and throw not only myself, but others close to them under a bus yet again, for me, was the last straw. Now, I would never give this person the satisfaction of stealing what happiness I have in my life or consume anymore of my mind or heart with bitterness or hate. That person would win if I allowed that to happen. Instead, I will love this person in my own way and stay away and there is certainly one thing that will never happen again and this I believe I can say with complete confidence this time... I will not be used again and I will not allow this person to suck me back into their depths of deceit nor will I let this person consume my life again. I do good enough just to get through a normal day at times, I certainly do not need someone dragging me through their poisonous life and injecting that poison into my life. Life is too hard on a "normal" day without adding that kind of toxic behavior. No thank you...
That saddest part of all this is that there are some people that I love and care deeply for that will have no choice, but to stay in the poisonous web of this person. They don't have the privilege of just walking away like I do. Don't let me make it sound too simple to walk away, because this has not been an easy decision for me. Instead, it has been necessary. These are two entirely different scenarios. You just have to know when it's time to walk away from a situation that will never change and right now, I truly do not see any way this situation will change. I know God is more powerful than our will and desires, but I also know that you have to recognize that and want his help and truthfully, through everything I have walked through with this person, if it's not there now, I struggle to believe it ever will be. That makes me sad, but for once in my life, it doesn't make me feel the need to fix or help fix this person or this person's life. I feel I've done all I can do for this person and the only thing I'm willing to do now is continue to pray for this person (and I will) and love this person in my own way, but with no contact. There are going to be times in my life when I will be forced to be face to face with this person (that part is for certain), when that time comes, I will deal with it as gracious as I can, but I won't worry about that now.
If you have toxic people in your life (family or friend(s)) I would encourage you to re-examine that relationship and if it isn't a healthy one for you, you should consider how you should handle that relationship moving forward. If it is bringing your down or causing strife in your life then there is a good chance it would be in your best interest to have a different (or distant) kind of relationship with that person.
I know I will miss this person (the person itself, not the behavior), but I also know when I've given all I can give and honestly, I have nothing more to give this person. This person has taken far too much and while this person continues to take from other people, I have to remember that I cannot control that, I can only control what I allow in my life. And that is all any of us can truly control.
This person, who will remain nameless, has always been a very important person in my life (or so I thought). I have loved this person unconditionally and many times this person was not lovable, but without fail, I loved and trusted and believed in this person.
Well, once again, this person has proven unworthy of my trust and unconditional love. Now what makes it a bit harder is I know the Lord commands us to love one another and have forgiveness so I am struggling with that piece of it, but I'm trusting the Lord will help me get through that part, and he will.
There are several things wrong with this person and the things this person does to others, family, and unsuspecting future people who will be taken by this person. One is the fact that this person uses people. I don't mean like some of us can do when we may use the relationships we have with others to help us get a leg up or get our foot in the door, typically the person helping you do that is aware. The kind of using this person does is the hurtful kind. This person makes you feel like you are the most important person in their life and there would be nothing this person wouldn't do for you, but the moment you either don't give this person what they need or want or heaven forbid you do something that this person perceives as against them, you will be cut out of that person's life like you never existed. I know, this sounds harsh and you may be wondering, how could I talk about someone I said I loved so much like this. Well, when this has been done to you by this person so many times you lose count, it seems quite easy to say these things and also, because these things are true.
Don't get me wrong, I still don't want anything terrible to happen to this person. There is a piece of me that will always love this person, but there comes a time in every one's life I guess when we realize that sometimes you just have to know when to walk away and for me, that time is now.
I have been there for this person when some people wouldn't have been. I believed in this person when few people did and just to find out that this person was once again using me for their own gain and would lie and throw not only myself, but others close to them under a bus yet again, for me, was the last straw. Now, I would never give this person the satisfaction of stealing what happiness I have in my life or consume anymore of my mind or heart with bitterness or hate. That person would win if I allowed that to happen. Instead, I will love this person in my own way and stay away and there is certainly one thing that will never happen again and this I believe I can say with complete confidence this time... I will not be used again and I will not allow this person to suck me back into their depths of deceit nor will I let this person consume my life again. I do good enough just to get through a normal day at times, I certainly do not need someone dragging me through their poisonous life and injecting that poison into my life. Life is too hard on a "normal" day without adding that kind of toxic behavior. No thank you...
That saddest part of all this is that there are some people that I love and care deeply for that will have no choice, but to stay in the poisonous web of this person. They don't have the privilege of just walking away like I do. Don't let me make it sound too simple to walk away, because this has not been an easy decision for me. Instead, it has been necessary. These are two entirely different scenarios. You just have to know when it's time to walk away from a situation that will never change and right now, I truly do not see any way this situation will change. I know God is more powerful than our will and desires, but I also know that you have to recognize that and want his help and truthfully, through everything I have walked through with this person, if it's not there now, I struggle to believe it ever will be. That makes me sad, but for once in my life, it doesn't make me feel the need to fix or help fix this person or this person's life. I feel I've done all I can do for this person and the only thing I'm willing to do now is continue to pray for this person (and I will) and love this person in my own way, but with no contact. There are going to be times in my life when I will be forced to be face to face with this person (that part is for certain), when that time comes, I will deal with it as gracious as I can, but I won't worry about that now.
If you have toxic people in your life (family or friend(s)) I would encourage you to re-examine that relationship and if it isn't a healthy one for you, you should consider how you should handle that relationship moving forward. If it is bringing your down or causing strife in your life then there is a good chance it would be in your best interest to have a different (or distant) kind of relationship with that person.
I know I will miss this person (the person itself, not the behavior), but I also know when I've given all I can give and honestly, I have nothing more to give this person. This person has taken far too much and while this person continues to take from other people, I have to remember that I cannot control that, I can only control what I allow in my life. And that is all any of us can truly control.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
"You Save Me"
I was given a tremendous honor by one of Chad's Marine buddies today. He sent me a text saying that Kenny Chesney's song "You Save Me" reminded him of me. I wasn't sure I knew the song, but after listening to it today I realized I had heard it before, but I never listened to the words like I did today. WOW! That's about all I can say about the words in that song after he said that to me.
What these guys and Chad's high school buddies don't know is, it is them who Save Me daily. If you get the chance to listen to this song, and I mean really listen to the words http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACJ3akD8zIg.
I don't consider anything I say to these young men and women as being a help to them, because it helps me more than I ever considered it helping them, but to think any of them think of me like this puts things in a completely different perspective.
I feel like I need to be saved on a daily basis and honestly, there is barely a day and certainly never a week that I don't hear from one of his buddies whether they be from school or the Marine Corps. I can only hope and pray that any mother that has lost a child can have the support and love from so many young people like I do. I am truly blessed in that way far above anything I deserve.
I love each and every one of these young men and woman who continually touch my heart and I'm blessed to have them in my life each and every day and for always.
Thank you guys. You all save me every day and for that I will forever be grateful.
What these guys and Chad's high school buddies don't know is, it is them who Save Me daily. If you get the chance to listen to this song, and I mean really listen to the words http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACJ3akD8zIg.
I don't consider anything I say to these young men and women as being a help to them, because it helps me more than I ever considered it helping them, but to think any of them think of me like this puts things in a completely different perspective.
I feel like I need to be saved on a daily basis and honestly, there is barely a day and certainly never a week that I don't hear from one of his buddies whether they be from school or the Marine Corps. I can only hope and pray that any mother that has lost a child can have the support and love from so many young people like I do. I am truly blessed in that way far above anything I deserve.
I love each and every one of these young men and woman who continually touch my heart and I'm blessed to have them in my life each and every day and for always.
Thank you guys. You all save me every day and for that I will forever be grateful.
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| Our Mountain Dew Gang |
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| Love these boys |
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| Some of the "Nuts" |
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| My boys |
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| Love them |
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| God Bless these young men |
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| What an honor shown at both Tyler & Desi and Clint & Emily's weddings |
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| Honoring their buddy |
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