Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Funk Much?

One of those days where I'm just in a funk.  You can ask what is wrong, but I'm pretty sure I won't answer, because quite frankly, one of two things will happen.  I will not be able to articulate what is actually wrong or you would not want to hear it.  Sorry, that's just the truth of it.

Right now I feel hurt, sad, frustrated, alone, angry, and a little irritation.  Is there just one thing causing these feelings?  No!  In general it's just life right now and while I am sure I will get past this (as I always do), right now that isn't the case. 

I don't like feeling like this, but there is nothing I can really do about it except keep to myself and hope no one pushes me too much for answers, because guess what, there are no answers and there is obviously no fix.

Well, there you have it ladies and gentlemen, it's just a funk.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Guilt, puzzling thing

I've had many people tell me not to feel guilty for some of these things, but that is far easier to say than to do.
I feel guilty if I laugh too much or have too much fun.  It comes in Ebs and Flows.  There are days I feel no guilt at all and other days I'm full of guilt.
Don't get me wrong, I don't feel guilty for anything I have done or not done where Chad is concerned.  I'm at complete peace with that (Thank you Lord), but I do feel guilty that my life continues and I experience things that I know he isn't here to share in or experience himself. 
If I have a moment when I am at complete peace, suddenly I feel guilty.  If I enjoy singing a song in my car while driving, I will suddenly feel guilty.
I can't explain it and there is really nothing anyone can do to make that go away.  It just is what it is.  I seriously doubt that will ever go away and if that's the case, I will just deal with it, but it is a very puzzling thing.