Tuesday, May 24, 2016

6th Birthday...

Well, it's really hard to believe this will be the 6th birthday without you.  You would be 28 years old.  That doesn't even seem possible.  You still have those ringlet curls and that sweet little smile to me.  You are still sleeping in those crazy positions that only you could sleep in and then get up and walk.

To say you are missed would be a ridiculous statement.  You are more than missed.  You are longed for.  My heart will never be the same.  Birthdays, holidays, special moments, etc. will never be the same again.

The rest of your family will never be the same and neither will your friends.  You are missed by so many people that it just seems crazy at times.

None miss you more than me, though.  I swear some days it seems like forever and other days it feels like yesterday.  I don't understand that and probably never will.  I just know I have a huge empty spot in my heart and life without you on this earth.

I try to do you proud each and every day.  I'm certain I fall short a lot, but it isn't for a lack of trying.  I promise.

Some days I don't tear up or cry as much as other days, but I don't think there has been a day since December 1, 2010 that I haven't at least had puddles in my eyes.  That will never change.

I would love to see what you would be doing at 28 years old.  Where would you be working, would you have any children, how would we celebrate.  All those things and more run through my head all the time (not just on your birthday or special occasions). 

I will never know those things, but I can find some peace in knowing where you are and the fact that I am guaranteed to see you again one day.  That is not necessarily comforting, but it does offer some peace when I need it most. 

Happy 28th birthday buddy and happy 6th heavenly birthday.  I wish I could visit heaven and give you a huge hug and tell you one more time how much I love you!   Simply put..... YOU SHOULD BE HERE!

Monday, May 9, 2016

Mother's Day 2016

This was the 6th Mother's Day without him. I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad. There was a void there that just cannot be filled. 
However, I'm one blessed "Bonus Mom". I have kids (yes you will all always be kids in my book) who go out of their way to make sure I feel loved and thought of each Mother's Day (and throughout the year) and for that I'm so grateful. 
This year we went to OKC to see Tebo's mom and sister and I know it did his mom's heart good to see her baby boy on her special day. What mom doesn't want to be with their kids on Mother's Day.  That's really what makes that day so special. It also gave Tebo and I some uninterrupted alone time in the truck coming back to talk and just sit in quiet while we reflect. He took me to lunch on the way back and we just enjoyed time together. That never replaced being with your kids, but I'm so lucky to have him and he just allows me to feel however I need to feel at that moment. Thank you Babe for that. 
Here are some of the sweet things I received for Mother's Day this year. 

I didn't get a picture of my new purse Tebo got me, but it was a great DB purse that makes traveling a little easier. Thank you Babe. 

   (From Tia (although she did way too much). They are adorable and the wrapping job was even better)

(From Trevor. Now, to most they would be like, what?  For me it's fabulous!  You put vinegar and water in it, place in microwave for 7 min. Wait 2 min. And wipe clean. It works!  He also got me a liner for the bottoms of the oven so when his dad cooks I don't have a huge mess to clean up). Good job Trev. 

     (From my USMC Boys!). Yes, these guys never forget and the card was even sweeter. (See below)

Then, all the text messages and phone calls and emails I received just warmed my heart. I don't need all these things, but it sure made my heart full. 
So thank you to each every one that gave me something or reached out yesterday.  It turned out to be a very nice Mother's Day. ❤️

Then I ended my day with our favorite wine.  
        (Courtesy of a very good friend)

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Please Don't

If you know someone who has lost a child please don't tell them it will be okay. It's never going to be okay for that child to not be here. Don't remind them that God has a plan. They probably know that, but right now there is no way to understand what plan might include the loss of their child. 
Don't tell them it will get easier. I don't want it to ever get easy to miss my son. 
We know you care and you don't know what to say but a hug and no word is better than some of the phrases people feel they need to say. 

Please and thank you....