One of my dearest friends lost her son (only child) Friday night. I never wanted anyone to have to walk this journey ever again and now, sadly, someone I love so much is having to navigate through this heartbreak.
I was told once that you never know how strong you are until that is all you have. It's true. I know she is far stronger than she thinks, but there won't be a moment that she is breathing that she won't hurt over the loss of her precious baby boy.
It will never get easier, but like myself and others that have had to walk this journey, she will find a way to cope.
Please don't tell her that it will get better or easier. That is a lie! Don't tell her you know how she feels unless you have had to lay your child to rest. You cannot know how she feels as there is no other feeling than the loss of your child.
If you tell her you will be there for her whenever she needs you, then please be there. If you cannot, then please do not tell her you will.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve and especially grieving the loss of your child. There will be no words for her to express what and how she is feeling.
The best thing anyone can do is just be there and listen. Don't avoid her and don't be afraid to bring up her son's name. He is and always will be a huge part of her life and regardless of how much time passes after he has left this earth she will want to hear his name and talk about him.
Love on your children every chance you get regardless their age, because we are not guaranteed tomorrow with them.
From one brokenhearted mom to another.
Monday, April 23, 2018
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Thirty?
It's so hard for me to believe you would have been thirty years old this year. I know I still have almost a full month for that date, but it's been on my mind since January. There isn't a moment that goes by that I don't wonder what you would be doing now. Would you have any babies? Would you be the police officer you always wanted to be? Would you live close enough for me to see you any time I wanted to or you needed me? All those and many more questions run through my mind only when I'm breathing.
It's still very difficult for me to fathom the fact that you are not here. I swear there are days I feel like I have to force myself to know how to take the first step of the day or face this world. It seems like every day is a true effort.
Yes, I still feel very guilty when I laugh or am enjoying a moment. I still find myself wanting to tell you something going on and to let you know how BoBo is doing or Peanut, Scooter, and Jorden are doing. I want so badly to tell you any time one of your buddies gets married or has a baby so you can be excited right along with me. Just getting a call to let me know how your day has been going feels so sad and that hasn't changed.
I'm doing better if the door bell rings, but I still hate it. I pause every time I open the kitchen cabinet with your baseball helmet cereal bowl is sitting there or when I walk into your room and just see little things that I know you love so much. That's also my quiet place at home when I feel I need to just sit in the quiet. I know it sounds odd, but that is what it is for me right now.
I still struggle knowing it has been almost 7 1/2 years since you left this earth. There are days it feels like yesterday and then there are days that it feels like forever since I've seen or talked to you. It breaks my heart both way and every time I think about it. I will never get over that feeling of utter sadness missing you.
I love you son more than words could ever express and I always will. I will also always miss you and long for you to be with me again. I feel this way especially the days I am not sure I can put one foot in front of the other.
Love.,
Your momma bear
It's still very difficult for me to fathom the fact that you are not here. I swear there are days I feel like I have to force myself to know how to take the first step of the day or face this world. It seems like every day is a true effort.
Yes, I still feel very guilty when I laugh or am enjoying a moment. I still find myself wanting to tell you something going on and to let you know how BoBo is doing or Peanut, Scooter, and Jorden are doing. I want so badly to tell you any time one of your buddies gets married or has a baby so you can be excited right along with me. Just getting a call to let me know how your day has been going feels so sad and that hasn't changed.
I'm doing better if the door bell rings, but I still hate it. I pause every time I open the kitchen cabinet with your baseball helmet cereal bowl is sitting there or when I walk into your room and just see little things that I know you love so much. That's also my quiet place at home when I feel I need to just sit in the quiet. I know it sounds odd, but that is what it is for me right now.
I still struggle knowing it has been almost 7 1/2 years since you left this earth. There are days it feels like yesterday and then there are days that it feels like forever since I've seen or talked to you. It breaks my heart both way and every time I think about it. I will never get over that feeling of utter sadness missing you.
I love you son more than words could ever express and I always will. I will also always miss you and long for you to be with me again. I feel this way especially the days I am not sure I can put one foot in front of the other.
Love.,
Your momma bear
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
The Happy Chad
It's not uncommon for random things to come up and take my breath away for a moment. It could be a song or something someone says or even something I say that he used to say for me to be taken back from time to time. Sometimes my response is laughter and others it could be a torrential down pouring of tears.
Well, our Sushi place is apparently no exception to this experience. We were there a couple of Fridays ago and we were at our normal spot and enjoying dinner with our Sushi chef, Mandy. She created a new roll called "The Happy Chad"! What are the odds? As soon as we heard the name I immediately broke down and cried. I have no idea why, it was absolutely something that came over me and I could not shake it. I cried all the way home and then cried myself to sleep that night.
Tebo mentioned that he felt I may have a degree of depression. I don't feel depressed. I feel sadness, but I do not feel depressed. Maybe I don't know depression or I expect it to feel a different way. Either way it hit me like a tidal wave.
Maybe one day in the future those situations won't take me to that point, but for now that seems to be the norm.
I can see a young man in a military uniform and I am compelled to speak to him and have to fight the urge to hug him every time. It's just something that takes me right back.
I was referring to Chad and Nanaw this morning on the phone with daddy and we were laughing because we were all the in car together and Nanaw climbed into the truck with us and Chad commented on how easy she got in and she immediately came back with, "well it's because I'm so agile". Chad loved that response and it stuck with him for many years after that. He would use that many times after that when he was talking to her. It's those little memories that pop up out of no where that will sometimes just take my breath away and other times I just laugh and enjoy the memory.
Our hearts and minds are so complex. I wish I could just stick with one emotion at times, but is apparent that I am incapable of doing that.
I sure miss that young man of mine and some days it's more than I can take, but turns out I don't have a choice and I will continue to remember all the little things along with the big ones and laugh when I can and cry when I can't control it.
Well, our Sushi place is apparently no exception to this experience. We were there a couple of Fridays ago and we were at our normal spot and enjoying dinner with our Sushi chef, Mandy. She created a new roll called "The Happy Chad"! What are the odds? As soon as we heard the name I immediately broke down and cried. I have no idea why, it was absolutely something that came over me and I could not shake it. I cried all the way home and then cried myself to sleep that night.
Tebo mentioned that he felt I may have a degree of depression. I don't feel depressed. I feel sadness, but I do not feel depressed. Maybe I don't know depression or I expect it to feel a different way. Either way it hit me like a tidal wave.
Maybe one day in the future those situations won't take me to that point, but for now that seems to be the norm.
I can see a young man in a military uniform and I am compelled to speak to him and have to fight the urge to hug him every time. It's just something that takes me right back.
I was referring to Chad and Nanaw this morning on the phone with daddy and we were laughing because we were all the in car together and Nanaw climbed into the truck with us and Chad commented on how easy she got in and she immediately came back with, "well it's because I'm so agile". Chad loved that response and it stuck with him for many years after that. He would use that many times after that when he was talking to her. It's those little memories that pop up out of no where that will sometimes just take my breath away and other times I just laugh and enjoy the memory.
Our hearts and minds are so complex. I wish I could just stick with one emotion at times, but is apparent that I am incapable of doing that.
I sure miss that young man of mine and some days it's more than I can take, but turns out I don't have a choice and I will continue to remember all the little things along with the big ones and laugh when I can and cry when I can't control it.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Organized Life
I had a friend ask me how I stay organized and things always seem clean and put together at our house. I just explained that I cannot function in chaos and clutter and I can only relax when things are clean and are in order. She then asked how she could get her life more organized where she could find time to clean her own house. First she mentioned it would be impossible because she has kids. I explained that it could be done, it will just take structure and getting used to keeping a routine for things.
So I thought it might be helpful for others to know how I do things and maybe they could take part or all of what I do and apply it to their lives if they are in search of how to get more organized and have less clutter.
It's true, I don't have kids living at home (well, just a 27 year old for now, but that will change soon) so I'm not spending my time cleaning up after children, but I still have my fair share of cleaning and organizing to do on a regular basis. I did have my son as a single mom for 18 years and managed to always have a clean house and stay organized so it can be done.
First, if you are just starting on this journey of becoming more organized I would suggest making a list. You might initially need some help to get things in your home organized and cleaned, but once you have the initial cleaning, purging, and organizing done the maintaining part will be a breeze (if you keep it up).
Start with a huge clean up through out your home. Every room should be cleaned and everything needs to have a home. If you cannot find a home for something evaluate whether you really need it and if you do, you may find something you have put away that you don't need and you could replace this item in that place and get rid of the one you don't really need. I'm guilty of holding on to things far too long at times thinking I may need it one day. I've since changed my thinking and if I haven't used or worn it in a year, it's time to purge it.
Once the house is clean start in closets. Something I have found that has made me feel like things are more organized is using all the same hangers in the closet. I love it! I would begin with purging clothes you haven't worn in a while and thin out your inventory. Once you have done that organize your clothes that works for you. What works best for me is color organizing. I start with white and go to black. I keep my pants the same order and dresses as well. Then organize your shoes. I have a new process for this now. I used to keep all my shoes in the original shoe box, but my husband came home one day with clear plastic shoe boxes and while I was apprehensive at first, it has turned out to be the best thing! I think organize my shoes by style and color. It just looks so much better to me.
Once you have done your closet, make a list to do all closets in the house. You will be amazed at how just that makes you feel more organized and will likely help you purge things you really do not need. The next thing on your list should be cabinets and I would start in the kitchen area. That seems to be where things get out of control the fastest in our house anyway.
The key to this process is making a list and making your way through that list regardless what order you choose to go in.
Once these tasks have been completed you are more than halfway through. The biggest key to keeping this organization and cleanliness is to maintain it everyday. You may be thinking, there is no way I can do this everyday. That's the beauty of this, you don't have to do everything mentioned above everyday. If you maintain the day to day stuff the rest will remain until you get the itch to purge again.
Set a schedule for things like laundry, yard work/flower beds, etc. Here is what a typical day for me looks like (again, no younger kids at home so things may look differently for those that do have kids at home). Each morning as soon as I get up I make the bed. Get ready for work and before leaving the house I gather any glass that was left from the night before and put them in the dishwasher. I pick up any clothes that may have been left out from the night before and put them where they need to go and I ensure that all my bathroom items used to get ready are put away so all counter tops are clear of clutter and things are put away. I go to work and once I return home at the end of the day and if we cook at home as soon as we finish eating I clean up the kitchen and make sure no dishes or pots are left out. Each Sunday I do laundry. Once they are completed in the washer I immediately put them in the dryer. As soon as they dryer quits I immediately fold and put all clothes away. If this is done as they are complete you will find that you don't get as behind and things are still clean and organized. Saturdays are typically reserved for yard work/flower beds, errands, etc. Depending on weather these days may swap or if I am out of town for any reason I will make adjustments, but for the most part I continue this process each day.
Again, the key is maintaining day to day so that you do not get behind and make a list. Once everything on your list is checked off you will love that feeling of accomplishment and then you can relax and enjoy it.
If you do have kids at home that are old enough to help, give them a list and teach them how to check their list off and they will hopefully grow up to be organized adults. They will learn from you and take your lead so you have a chance to really enforce those habits early on. You will not regret it.
Happy Organizing!
So I thought it might be helpful for others to know how I do things and maybe they could take part or all of what I do and apply it to their lives if they are in search of how to get more organized and have less clutter.
It's true, I don't have kids living at home (well, just a 27 year old for now, but that will change soon) so I'm not spending my time cleaning up after children, but I still have my fair share of cleaning and organizing to do on a regular basis. I did have my son as a single mom for 18 years and managed to always have a clean house and stay organized so it can be done.
First, if you are just starting on this journey of becoming more organized I would suggest making a list. You might initially need some help to get things in your home organized and cleaned, but once you have the initial cleaning, purging, and organizing done the maintaining part will be a breeze (if you keep it up).
Start with a huge clean up through out your home. Every room should be cleaned and everything needs to have a home. If you cannot find a home for something evaluate whether you really need it and if you do, you may find something you have put away that you don't need and you could replace this item in that place and get rid of the one you don't really need. I'm guilty of holding on to things far too long at times thinking I may need it one day. I've since changed my thinking and if I haven't used or worn it in a year, it's time to purge it.
Once the house is clean start in closets. Something I have found that has made me feel like things are more organized is using all the same hangers in the closet. I love it! I would begin with purging clothes you haven't worn in a while and thin out your inventory. Once you have done that organize your clothes that works for you. What works best for me is color organizing. I start with white and go to black. I keep my pants the same order and dresses as well. Then organize your shoes. I have a new process for this now. I used to keep all my shoes in the original shoe box, but my husband came home one day with clear plastic shoe boxes and while I was apprehensive at first, it has turned out to be the best thing! I think organize my shoes by style and color. It just looks so much better to me.
Once you have done your closet, make a list to do all closets in the house. You will be amazed at how just that makes you feel more organized and will likely help you purge things you really do not need. The next thing on your list should be cabinets and I would start in the kitchen area. That seems to be where things get out of control the fastest in our house anyway.
The key to this process is making a list and making your way through that list regardless what order you choose to go in.
Once these tasks have been completed you are more than halfway through. The biggest key to keeping this organization and cleanliness is to maintain it everyday. You may be thinking, there is no way I can do this everyday. That's the beauty of this, you don't have to do everything mentioned above everyday. If you maintain the day to day stuff the rest will remain until you get the itch to purge again.
Set a schedule for things like laundry, yard work/flower beds, etc. Here is what a typical day for me looks like (again, no younger kids at home so things may look differently for those that do have kids at home). Each morning as soon as I get up I make the bed. Get ready for work and before leaving the house I gather any glass that was left from the night before and put them in the dishwasher. I pick up any clothes that may have been left out from the night before and put them where they need to go and I ensure that all my bathroom items used to get ready are put away so all counter tops are clear of clutter and things are put away. I go to work and once I return home at the end of the day and if we cook at home as soon as we finish eating I clean up the kitchen and make sure no dishes or pots are left out. Each Sunday I do laundry. Once they are completed in the washer I immediately put them in the dryer. As soon as they dryer quits I immediately fold and put all clothes away. If this is done as they are complete you will find that you don't get as behind and things are still clean and organized. Saturdays are typically reserved for yard work/flower beds, errands, etc. Depending on weather these days may swap or if I am out of town for any reason I will make adjustments, but for the most part I continue this process each day.
Again, the key is maintaining day to day so that you do not get behind and make a list. Once everything on your list is checked off you will love that feeling of accomplishment and then you can relax and enjoy it.
If you do have kids at home that are old enough to help, give them a list and teach them how to check their list off and they will hopefully grow up to be organized adults. They will learn from you and take your lead so you have a chance to really enforce those habits early on. You will not regret it.
Happy Organizing!
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