I have had yet another hard lesson learned on allowing myself to give someone yet another chance to do the right thing and then finding myself disappointed when they let me down again.
This person, who will remain nameless, has always been a very important person in my life (or so I thought). I have loved this person unconditionally and many times this person was not lovable, but without fail, I loved and trusted and believed in this person.
Well, once again, this person has proven unworthy of my trust and unconditional love. Now what makes it a bit harder is I know the Lord commands us to love one another and have forgiveness so I am struggling with that piece of it, but I'm trusting the Lord will help me get through that part, and he will.
There are several things wrong with this person and the things this person does to others, family, and unsuspecting future people who will be taken by this person. One is the fact that this person uses people. I don't mean like some of us can do when we may use the relationships we have with others to help us get a leg up or get our foot in the door, typically the person helping you do that is aware. The kind of using this person does is the hurtful kind. This person makes you feel like you are the most important person in their life and there would be nothing this person wouldn't do for you, but the moment you either don't give this person what they need or want or heaven forbid you do something that this person perceives as against them, you will be cut out of that person's life like you never existed. I know, this sounds harsh and you may be wondering, how could I talk about someone I said I loved so much like this. Well, when this has been done to you by this person so many times you lose count, it seems quite easy to say these things and also, because these things are true.
Don't get me wrong, I still don't want anything terrible to happen to this person. There is a piece of me that will always love this person, but there comes a time in every one's life I guess when we realize that sometimes you just have to know when to walk away and for me, that time is now.
I have been there for this person when some people wouldn't have been. I believed in this person when few people did and just to find out that this person was once again using me for their own gain and would lie and throw not only myself, but others close to them under a bus yet again, for me, was the last straw. Now, I would never give this person the satisfaction of stealing what happiness I have in my life or consume anymore of my mind or heart with bitterness or hate. That person would win if I allowed that to happen. Instead, I will love this person in my own way and stay away and there is certainly one thing that will never happen again and this I believe I can say with complete confidence this time... I will not be used again and I will not allow this person to suck me back into their depths of deceit nor will I let this person consume my life again. I do good enough just to get through a normal day at times, I certainly do not need someone dragging me through their poisonous life and injecting that poison into my life. Life is too hard on a "normal" day without adding that kind of toxic behavior. No thank you...
That saddest part of all this is that there are some people that I love and care deeply for that will have no choice, but to stay in the poisonous web of this person. They don't have the privilege of just walking away like I do. Don't let me make it sound too simple to walk away, because this has not been an easy decision for me. Instead, it has been necessary. These are two entirely different scenarios. You just have to know when it's time to walk away from a situation that will never change and right now, I truly do not see any way this situation will change. I know God is more powerful than our will and desires, but I also know that you have to recognize that and want his help and truthfully, through everything I have walked through with this person, if it's not there now, I struggle to believe it ever will be. That makes me sad, but for once in my life, it doesn't make me feel the need to fix or help fix this person or this person's life. I feel I've done all I can do for this person and the only thing I'm willing to do now is continue to pray for this person (and I will) and love this person in my own way, but with no contact. There are going to be times in my life when I will be forced to be face to face with this person (that part is for certain), when that time comes, I will deal with it as gracious as I can, but I won't worry about that now.
If you have toxic people in your life (family or friend(s)) I would encourage you to re-examine that relationship and if it isn't a healthy one for you, you should consider how you should handle that relationship moving forward. If it is bringing your down or causing strife in your life then there is a good chance it would be in your best interest to have a different (or distant) kind of relationship with that person.
I know I will miss this person (the person itself, not the behavior), but I also know when I've given all I can give and honestly, I have nothing more to give this person. This person has taken far too much and while this person continues to take from other people, I have to remember that I cannot control that, I can only control what I allow in my life. And that is all any of us can truly control.
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