Monday, July 10, 2017

Tired Heart

I'm no different than most people I imagine. Sadly I'm not the only mom that has lost her child and certainly not the only person dealing with aging/sick parents or family drama but honestly lately my heart is tired. It's more tired than normal daily stuff. I can't explain it very well with words. I just know it feels tired on top of sad.

There are many days I wish I could take the part of my heart that is remaining and just make it cold and hard, however, I can't seem to do that. There are those who have the ability to do that I just don't happen to be that person but I have to admit there are some days when it feels possible.

I don't know what if anything that can truly change a heart from feeling so tired but if there is something I sure would like to know what that is.
Adding things trivial like disagreements, misunderstandings don't help, but what really makes me crazy is when these things happen and someone is so quick to de-friend or block you on social media.  Really?  I just do not get that.  Turns out it has sadly happened to me on more than one occasion and I decided the time before last if it happens I will not be allowing that person/persons to be granted back.  I don't guess I understand the reasons behind doing that.  What are you solving with that type of behavior?  If it's punishment you are trying to impose on me, it isn't working.  I don't live and die by social media by any means, but if I want to get on there and I see that someone has done that, it just frustrates me as I believe once we are adults we should be able to handle our differences a bit more mature than that, but I guess whatever floats a person's boat.  I just don't have to fall into that trap again and I won't.

Since I obviously don't have answers for any of this I will just keep doing what I've been doing and wait.  All I can really do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to pray for peace and comfort as well as rest and knowledge or understanding to get me through each day.

A broken heart I can somewhat explain, but a tired heart, I have no words.
Maybe one day I will understand how to deal with this tired heart and maybe even handle it better than I feel I am today, but I can honestly say that today, I am certainly not there yet.