Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Sad heart

I am writing today, because I have a very sad heart.  It's not at all what you think.  My heart will always be sad over the loss of my son, but this sad on top of that makes it very hard to want to be around anyone today.
When there is strife and broken relationships in a family, it truly tears my heart up.  I know the Lord is not the author of confusion or turmoil so that can only leave the devil to be at work when families are torn apart.
I would not want to take to the Internet and call out anyone in my family so I won't go into detail here.
Instead, I would like to ask for special prayer for my family and for a very difficult situation to have a peaceful ending that is good for everyone involved.

Thank you so much for your prayers...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

'Tis the season...

During this time of year there seems to be more acts of kindness, caring, and giving.  I love seeing that.  It's just sad that this time of year is when we notice this more than the rest of the year, but that seems to be how it works.  However, I'm still amazed at some of the things people choose to focus on (even during this time of year).  When I think about the families that have their loved ones overseas putting their lives on the line 24/7 for our freedoms, those fighting cancer still today (far too many), those facing the first holiday after losing a loved one, those who are put in what seems like impossible situations, but trying to make the best of it anyway and then I witness those that seem to be preoccupied with hurting others or neglecting those that really need to have some love and care it breaks my heart. 
Unfortunately, I'm reminded daily, hourly, by the minute, each second of what gratitude is and wishing you had someone back that you love and the reality that you won't see them again until you enter the gates of heaven.  To see so many people in this world today not cherishing or taking for granted that their loved ones will just always be there is hard. 
I know I don't spend the time I would like to with all my loved ones and as much as I would love to do that, it isn't reality, but I do hope and pray that they know I would be with them if I could.  I know I fall short of this on a daily basis, but I truly do try to do the best job I can. 
I believe most families are close and it hurts to the core when things aren't great with us all, but life deals us those hands at times.  It's what we decide to do with those hands that makes the most difference.  I can admit that there have been lots of times that I didn't handle some cards the best way at times, but I can also say that I do try each day to do the best I can with what I'm dealt so I can lay my head down each night and know I did the best job I could do that day and tried to be the best person I could be despite the circumstances.  I like to believe that's how we all think and try to live.
I don't know why there are people who cross our paths that do or say things that hurt us or damage relationships.  I know in my own experience it is usually something else in the mix that either drives a person to act a certain way or react in a way that we may not expect and things can then suddenly get completely out of control.  I've been a part of that kind of situation and it isn't pleasant.  I would like to think that I always chose to react the best way possible, but that wouldn't be true. I have let my emotions, pride, or whatever it might be, get in the way.  I don't like it when I chose the wrong reaction, but we are all human and it will happen from time to time.  All I can do is apologize and learn to do better the next time.  It would be nice if we lived in a world where we didn't have to worry about next time, but again, that is not reality.
I don't want to be that person that only thinks of the hurting, the lonely, the sad, etc. during the Holidays, but rather on a daily basis year around.  In my heart I feel that way all the time, but at times I know my actions may not speak that to the one who may be hurting.  I'm making a promise to myself and my family and friends as well as those out there I've yet to meet, to be a better person and to try and choose my reactions to situations in a more calm and loving way.  I will fail and I will fail often, but I will start each day with the intent and desire to do and be better and with lots of prayer and discipline I will do better.
'Tis the season...  I would like to see our world change that to 'Tis each day.  How nice would that be if we could all have a better attitude towards another person (all people) year around rather than just a season in time.  

Monday, December 8, 2014

Pine Sol - Still not happy

So, this weekend I had to mop my floors for the first time without my "true Original" Pine Sol https://www.pinesol.com/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=pine-sol%2520with&utm_campaign=PS_Brand_Exact and let me just say, I'm not happy!  I used Mr. Clean (not bashing them, because I'm just starting to use it) and it just wasn't the same.  I refuse to use any other scents of the Pine Sol, because since I've always used and loved the "true Original" scent, why would I change.  If I liked the others, I would have already been using them. 
I'm a creature of habit (like you wouldn't know that if you didn't know me), but more than that, when I find something I like, I do not change.  I do not adjust to change well anyway (again, no surprise to those who know me), so this is not sitting very well with me.
Then I think (when this all first happened), oh it will be like Coke and they will go back to the original.  Well, NO, that apparently isn't an option according to the person (or computer response) who responded to my letter (yes, I'm that person that wrote a letter, more than once).  The words used were very to the point, we will not be returning to the "true Original" scent.
Well, for that, Pine Sol, I will find my new "go to" cleaner and turns out, I clean a lot and once I become comfortable with a new cleaner I will remain loyal to them (unless they go changing something that isn't broken like you did).
This may seem pretty petty to most people, but I LOVED the "true Original" Pine Sol.  I DO NOT like the "new original" scent and they say it is longer lasting, no it isn't!  I've used the "true Original" Pine Sol since I was old enough to clean with a cleaner and I know how the "true Original" smells and lasts and this new isn't it.
I'm hoping Mr. Clean works out for me, because as much as I buy cleaning supplies, I am not in the mood to trying 100 different products to find one that makes me happy since I was forced to change from something that was perfectly fine! 
Until I am certain about this new product I will keep my opinion of it to myself and reserve the right or need to express those feelings until I know exactly how I do or do not like it. 
Since my stock pile of all the "true Original" Pine Sol has now been depleted I have no choice, but I am using something new under protest.
I guess only time will tell if I will like this new choice, but if the folks at Pine Sol have noticed their stock price dropping or inventory in the stores aren't moving as quickly and at the quantity it used to, it's probably due to the fact that most likely one of your largest purchasing customers is not happy with this change.  Have you never heard if it isn't broken, don't "fix" it?  Well, the "true Original" wasn't broken.
I still hold out hope that you will get it like Coke did and return to the "true Original" Pine Sol scent, because the others just are not the same and I will be boycotting any other product made by Pine Sol for that reason.  Mr. Clean, I sure hope you are not part of the Pine Sol company or you will be going bye-bye too.
Ugh!  @pinesol #frustratedcleaner  

Monday, December 1, 2014

Four Years

It is hard to believe it's been four years and other times it feels like it's been forever since I've hugged you or just been in your presence.  To say you are missed would be a true understatement.  No real words exist (that I've been able to find yet anyway) to truly express the sadness and pain that comes with you not being on this earth everyday.

At the same time there is that pain and sadness, strangely there is a certain amount of peace that flows knowing you are not suffering or having to watch your brothers suffer on a daily basis.  As odd as that sounds, it does give me a certain amount of peace.

This day in 2010 will never leave us.  I will never forget what it felt like for that doorbell to ring and Tebo telling me they were in uniform.  I felt sick and at the same time, I knew why they were there at that point.  I didn't want to believe it and honestly, I still don't today, but I had to accept it.

If I'm breathing, I am missing you.  If I'm breathing, I long for you.  If I'm breathing, the pain is there.  I would have given my life to spare yours without a second thought.  That's just what parents do I suppose, but more than just words, I would have done that.  You had so much life yet to live, but I have to believe the Lord spared you from a far worse fate and that's what I have to remember and remind myself daily of.

Chad, you were truly the best thing I ever did in my life.  You made me proud to call you son and still today seeing the lives you continue to touch make me just as proud of you as if you were still on this earth.

I won't lie, some days it feels impossible to go on.  It hurts too much!  I know that isn't an option and for as long as the Lord sees fit to keep me on this earth that is how it will be and I will do the best I can at continuing to try and make you proud and take care of your buddies and their families.

You would be so proud of them call, son.  They do such a great job of checking on us and making sure we are as ok as we can be and for that we will forever be grateful.  That makes me believe even more that not only were you a great friend, you picked great friends.  Once again, making me proud to call you my son.

Four years.... It's just hard to believe it's been four years.  I don't want these past four years the way we had to live them and I don't want the next, however many years we have, but it is what it is and I promise to do the best I can to carry on and try to make you as proud as I can.

You are loved and missed every day and only when I breathe.