Happiness is a choice. We all have the ability to choose to either be happy that day or not, but it is still a choice. I am the first to admit I don't have all the answers and I certainly don't understand all there is to know about depression or any of that type of stuff. What I do know for sure is that happiness is a choice.
You might wonder how I know this. Well, after losing my only child almost 9 1/2 years ago I could choose to just stay in bed and give up on everything and everyone, but I haven't done that. Have I wanted to at times, you better believe it, but who does that help?
While there are days that are harder than others to choose happiness that particular day, I don't really allow myself the choice not to choose happiness.
Let me clarify, choosing (for me) to be happy is much harder than you might think. It takes effort and it takes a commitment to myself and the memory of my son to do this and when I stop and allow myself to really remember that he isn't physically here on this earth, it still knocks the breath out of me.
What gets frustrating, for me, is when I see people in this world not even trying to be happy or at least the outward appearance is that they aren't happy. Yes, we all have things in our lives that likely no one knows or understands that could make you feel sad or angry or whatever else feeling you may have, but when it becomes so common that people actually notice when you are showing happiness in your life then you might have a problem or you are choosing to stay in a state of unhappiness. That's really sad to me, but you have a choice to allow yourself to be happy or miserable, but it's your choice.
If you find yourself sad or unhappy more than you are happy, then maybe it is time to speak with someone and take action. Change your surroundings or the people that take up space in your life that may be causing this state of unhappiness. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different outcome. You have to consciously make a decision to change things around you that will give you that ability to choose happiness.
One thing I have noticed in life, regardless of my loss, is that some people strive on just not being happy. That's too bad, because that choice does not just impact you, but it impacts all those around you and your family and if you have children, it impacts them as well. You may not see it because you are too wrapped up in your choice to not be happy that you don't see what it does to those around you.
We all have things that happen in our lives that make us sad, angry, etc., but if you don't make the choice at some point in your life to be happy then you will end up in a very sad and likely lonely life and I can only imagine that you had only begun to "feel" unhappy.
I have a group of Chad's friends that had yet another tragic loss this past weekend and the sadness and loss they are feeling are real and it isn't something they will ever just "get over". I am sure it has stirred up the loss of Chad in them as it has with me and right now they are still in shock and trying to process all of this and try to make sense of it all. Their dear friend's wife is fighting for her life and having to wake up to learn that her husband didn't survive. To make matters even worse is they have a three year old and a seven month old (both boys) that have lost their daddy and could possibly lose their mom. We are all praying their mom pulls through and makes it and even with that she has a very long road ahead of her for recovery. These friends eventually found a way to be happy again after Chad's passing and they will again at some point after Billy's passing. However, that time is not now, but I've seen their strength and commitment to one another and together one day they will all choose to be happy again. This much I know for sure. I've seen them do it before and I know I will see them do it again.
As if all this wasn't enough, as a country we are dealing with COVID 19, making it difficult for them to physically be with each other in this very sad time when they need each other the most. They may not even be able to attend a funeral for their close friend and be there for his twin brother. All of this is just compounding their sadness and I'm sure there feeling of utter helplessness. I'm right there with them. Even with all this, I know these young adults and I know they will pull together and choose happiness again one day with each other's help. In the meantime we pray and we hold them close to our hearts and be there for them in any way we possibly can.
The point here is simple. If you happen to be a person who does not choose happiness I would urge you to stop and think about how difficult it must be for some people to make that choice and yet somehow they do (at least eventually). Look at your blessings and gifts and stop to think that there are people out there facing things you hopefully never have to face in your lifetime or watch your loved ones face them and choose happiness. Make a commitment to yourself and your loved ones to choose happiness and I promise you and those around you will be better for it and you will be teaching your children and loved ones how to choose happiness when it might be easier not to do so.
My heart is broken for the Booher and Lea family for what they are going through right now as well as this close group of friends that have been together since early school. They all share a bond that most groups of friends don't have. You typically have a few really close friends, and I've been fortunate enough to see this larger group of friends stay close and active in each other's lives ever since and when one of them hurts, they all hurt. They have and will continue to always be there for each other and that's what will help them choose happiness one day. I would ask you to keep them all in your thoughts and prayers, especially as Tory continues to fight for her life and recover to be reunited with her precious little boys.
I would also ask that you give yourself permission to be happy if you are someone who struggles with choosing happiness each day. Bad things happen all the time. Things that are out of your control. Things you would have never chosen to happen, but it does. Sickness, accidents, whatever it might be, it happens. However, you can choose how you rebound from whatever it is that has you down and you can choose to be happy, if that is your hearts desire. We all deserve to be happy and while that may harder for some people to achieve than others, you still deserve it.
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Monday, March 23, 2020
COVID 19
While our country and other countries are basically on hold and/or quarantined due to the Coronavirus, better known as COVID 19, this makes for a good time to reflect and purge our lives of negativity or things that don't make us better people.
I for one need to do a better job of reaching out to others rather than stay to myself once I get home. We are required to work from home for the next 2 weeks or until March 27, 2020 at this time. I think fortunately I had already made preparations for daddy to stay with Stacy from this past Friday until this Thursday so Tebo and I could have a little break and so that I could have more time to focus on my job. However, I never realized we would be hit so hard as a country with this COVID 19 so while I have been able to work from home uninterrupted, I also know that I now have 30 days that I will be required to work from home with daddy here as Pace will be closed for 30 days with a tentative re-open date of April 13th (as long as things don't decline).
It's a challenge to say the very least to have him here while I try to work, but it's a whole new challenge to have both Tebo and I here trying to work from home while still making time to care of daddy.
We have a pretty good set up right now and hopefully this works out. Tebo is set up in the home office with his 3 monitors and I am set up at the dining room table with my 3 monitors so that I will have full view of daddy at all times during the day. Now, daddy may not like this set up as he will have a hard time getting away with being sneaky (LOL), but I know he doesn't like sitting in a room alone either so that will make him happy.
As I think in my down time about what I can do to be a better person I am a bit overwhelmed at how much I could do and do better. Yes, I have limited options of just picking up and going somewhere, but I could write more letters or make more phone calls and I will do my best to make that a priority behind taking care of my husband and daddy first.
We were also blessed this past Sunday with Tia getting engaged to Drew. Yes, we are gaining a new son and we can't wait. It was a pleasure to get the chance to share that joyous moment with Tebo's sister (although, Drew did not propose at our house), we celebrated the moment they walked in. The smiles on both their faces were almost too much for a momma's heart to handle. We all laughed and talked and of course drank Champaign. It was one of the best "family dinners" we have had in a long time and we all enjoyed every minute of it.
I am reminded, however, how little time we may likely have with the ones we love. Debbie will be 69 years old this year and Tebo will be 60. Not that those are "old" ages, it does mean that we are closing in on some "old" years. We need to enjoy each other more and as much as we possible can.
I for one need to do a better job of reaching out to others rather than stay to myself once I get home. We are required to work from home for the next 2 weeks or until March 27, 2020 at this time. I think fortunately I had already made preparations for daddy to stay with Stacy from this past Friday until this Thursday so Tebo and I could have a little break and so that I could have more time to focus on my job. However, I never realized we would be hit so hard as a country with this COVID 19 so while I have been able to work from home uninterrupted, I also know that I now have 30 days that I will be required to work from home with daddy here as Pace will be closed for 30 days with a tentative re-open date of April 13th (as long as things don't decline).
It's a challenge to say the very least to have him here while I try to work, but it's a whole new challenge to have both Tebo and I here trying to work from home while still making time to care of daddy.
We have a pretty good set up right now and hopefully this works out. Tebo is set up in the home office with his 3 monitors and I am set up at the dining room table with my 3 monitors so that I will have full view of daddy at all times during the day. Now, daddy may not like this set up as he will have a hard time getting away with being sneaky (LOL), but I know he doesn't like sitting in a room alone either so that will make him happy.
As I think in my down time about what I can do to be a better person I am a bit overwhelmed at how much I could do and do better. Yes, I have limited options of just picking up and going somewhere, but I could write more letters or make more phone calls and I will do my best to make that a priority behind taking care of my husband and daddy first.
We were also blessed this past Sunday with Tia getting engaged to Drew. Yes, we are gaining a new son and we can't wait. It was a pleasure to get the chance to share that joyous moment with Tebo's sister (although, Drew did not propose at our house), we celebrated the moment they walked in. The smiles on both their faces were almost too much for a momma's heart to handle. We all laughed and talked and of course drank Champaign. It was one of the best "family dinners" we have had in a long time and we all enjoyed every minute of it.
I am reminded, however, how little time we may likely have with the ones we love. Debbie will be 69 years old this year and Tebo will be 60. Not that those are "old" ages, it does mean that we are closing in on some "old" years. We need to enjoy each other more and as much as we possible can.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Homesick
If home is where the heart is, then I'm homesick for you! You here that comment all the time "Home is Where the Heart is". Well, my heart is in heaven with you and I am extremely homesick for you.
I'm not sure if it is because May is fast approaching or if this is just the way my heart will always feel (I'm assuming since it's been well over 9 years this will just be the way my heart will always feel), but I am still amazed that each day my eyes open, I take a breath, my heart beats, and I have to get out of bed and make the best of each day. Any time now I expect my heart to break entirely that mornings don't happen anymore, but so far that has not been the case.
I do believe you can die from a broken heart, but it would appear, to me anyway, that it is a long and painful death. There are days that feels so unfair, but I also know it's not my place to question God on why or why not. Therefore I try daily, hourly, minute, second not to do just that, but it's hard not to be tempted to do just that.
Chad, you were truly the only good thing I've ever done in my life and nothing I ever do moving forward will ever top you! I struggle with what my reason for being left behind really is and I may never know. I know for now it is to care for your BoBo for as long as the Lord wants him on this earth. I also know that Tebo needs to right now too with all he is dealing with at work and just with life in general. I know my sisters (well most of them) need me, but I also know they have loving husbands and other friends and family who would step right in and pick up where I leave off when the Lord is ready to reunite us. Until that day I suppose I will continue to open my eyes, take a breath, feel my heart beat, and get out of bed and attempt to do the best I can to make it through the day. I don't have to like it, but I have to do it as there is no other option for me.
Son, just know, I will NEVER be the person I was before you left this earth and I will never find true joy in my heart again like I will have when I finally see you again and wrap my arms around you and kiss your sweet forehead. I miss that. I miss your hugs that only you could give me just at the right time. Nothing seems sweeter than the hug from a son to his mother and I miss those.
I will go to my grave not only loving and missing you, but grieving for you as well.
I'm not sure if it is because May is fast approaching or if this is just the way my heart will always feel (I'm assuming since it's been well over 9 years this will just be the way my heart will always feel), but I am still amazed that each day my eyes open, I take a breath, my heart beats, and I have to get out of bed and make the best of each day. Any time now I expect my heart to break entirely that mornings don't happen anymore, but so far that has not been the case.
I do believe you can die from a broken heart, but it would appear, to me anyway, that it is a long and painful death. There are days that feels so unfair, but I also know it's not my place to question God on why or why not. Therefore I try daily, hourly, minute, second not to do just that, but it's hard not to be tempted to do just that.
Chad, you were truly the only good thing I've ever done in my life and nothing I ever do moving forward will ever top you! I struggle with what my reason for being left behind really is and I may never know. I know for now it is to care for your BoBo for as long as the Lord wants him on this earth. I also know that Tebo needs to right now too with all he is dealing with at work and just with life in general. I know my sisters (well most of them) need me, but I also know they have loving husbands and other friends and family who would step right in and pick up where I leave off when the Lord is ready to reunite us. Until that day I suppose I will continue to open my eyes, take a breath, feel my heart beat, and get out of bed and attempt to do the best I can to make it through the day. I don't have to like it, but I have to do it as there is no other option for me.
Son, just know, I will NEVER be the person I was before you left this earth and I will never find true joy in my heart again like I will have when I finally see you again and wrap my arms around you and kiss your sweet forehead. I miss that. I miss your hugs that only you could give me just at the right time. Nothing seems sweeter than the hug from a son to his mother and I miss those.
I will go to my grave not only loving and missing you, but grieving for you as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)