Eleven

It is hard to believe this year marked eleven Mother's Days that have been observed without you. I just cannot even comprehend that. It still feels so fresh in so many ways and in many ways it feels like forever. Yes, I know, it sounds as crazy for someone reading this as it is for me typing or thinking it, but that's how it feels. My life has not, nor will it ever, be the same since December 1, 2010. I say it all the time and it is true every time. I don't know if that will ever change. Actually, that's not true. I know it will never change. What I do know what is different that I didn't think would ever change is I do feel some joy that I did not believe would ever happen again. It's kind of funny, because that joy is found in one of the tiniest little packages you could ever imagine and I haven't even laid eyes on this little package in the flesh yet. Cohen Wade! When I see his little face whether it be in a picture or face timing it just makes me smile so much from the inside out and I feel like I'm just going to bust with joy. Oh Chad, you would just love this little human. Chadman, I would give anything for you to just see how Jorden is with him and as a momma. I haven't seen it in person, but I don't have to. I can see it in pictures and in her voice. She is just wonderful. She has him on a wonderful sleep schedule (she did NOT get that from me and obviously not from you LOL) and he is just the happiest little baby. Tebo and I are going down there to finally meet him the end of May. Right after your birthday (I can't think of a better way to "celebrate" your birthday). I just could not wait until the end of June to meet him. I honestly cannot wait. We would have gone sooner, but poor Jorden is either working or in a wedding all of May. That girl is making you so proud with her work ethic and how well she is managing being a mom and working full time. I can't remember if I told you that she bought her own house all by herself and she and aunt Paige have sent me pictures and, Chad, it is just precious and uncle Rodney put Cohen a swing up on the front porch and it is adorable. Of course your momma, being your momma, the first thing I said when I saw it was "oh gosh, if he swings too high he might hit the window". LOL! Tebo died laughing and said, "babe, it will be a while before he can swing that high". Lord, it never dawned on me to think of that. LOL! See, some things never change I suppose. Anyway, I just needed to talk to you I guess. I miss you and as I thought about Mother's Day and realized I had survived 11 of them without you, I just couldn't believe it. It still just seems so unbelievable to me even after this many years. I love you sweet boy. I promise to love that sweet Cohen and give him lots of hugs and kisses as we celebrate what would have been your 33rd birthday when we see him May 28th. I wish you could be with us and love on him yourself, but this momma bear/Ammy will just have to do in your place. I will do my best to do you proud. I love you son. Love, momma bear.