Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Missing him

If I'm breathing in missing him. Some days the miss hurts more than others. Lately the misses have been agonizingly painful and there is nothing that can be done about that except wait for a less painful day to come. 
He was so much of me... Well technically he was a part of me and once he was created and made his debut he took even a bigger piece. 
Oh what I would give to tell him everything going on in our lives and some of the things I would tell him he would totally call me a dork. Oh what I would give to hear him call me that today. 
No pity party happening here, just cold hard facts.  Missing him hurts and never goes away. That's just how it is. Today I just choose to express it a little more. 

How could I not miss this?  That little crooked grin and that huge heart. 
How I miss his goofy and fun side. His uncle Rodney appears to be easily persuaded to join in on some of that goofy stuff. 

How could you not miss this sight?  You can't. 
I'm so blessed with a family and a group of friends that lift me up daily (not going to lie, sometimes hourly), but there is really only so much another human being can do for this kind of painful miss. Most of that is on God to help me with and myself staying strong enough to endure the days, especially the harder ones. 

Oh how grateful I am (more than I ever thought I could have been) to have had this Christmas in 2009 with all our kids under one roof.  What a blessing this turned out to be. Thank you kids & Tebo for this priceless memory. 
For all his friends that continue to just be there for us and include us in their lives, we thank you. It makes a difference, know that. 

For my family and friends that are always there with encouragement and love. If I had the room and access at this time for all the pictures I would add them, but to get all of you in pictures added would be crazy and to me, that's amazing so thank you for that. 
Oh how I miss him sleeping in the craziest positions and still having the ability to stand up straight and walk when waking up. 
As hard and heartbreaking as this is, it was part of a bigger plan that I'm certain I will never truly understand and will never get use to, but for all those that help us remember him and miss him like we do and for continuing to love on us... Thank you and it's what keeps me going. 
Missing you, son will never go away and if you were here right now I would hug you so tight and tell you how much I love you. Because I do!  

1 comment:

  1. I haven't lost a child & I don't know how I would handle it. I do know what it is like to lose the love of your life. Your comments of how you miss Chad mirror those I have on a daily basis. I'm so glad we have the wonderful family that we do. Love you bunches and sending you big hugs.