Sorrow

Sorrow comes in so many forms and is so different for everyone. I used to think sorrow was just saddness for those that lost a person, but over the years I've learned that is not the case. I'm learning even now that sorrow can be even knowing that you are going to lose someone you love, but you may not know when. I have a sister that is watching her husband fight cancer and while he has already beat the odds after being told he might have months and has almost hit the one year mark, he is starting to have moments of decline. She is struggling and feeling scared and very sad and angry. I can tell she is having a very difficult time processing how she feels and not knowing exactly how to express these feelings that I'm sure she herself doesn't even understand. I'm not sure how to even truly empathize with her as I don't know what it's like to lose a spouse. I only have experience, sadly, in losing a child. I know I don't want to lose my husband, but to watch him suffer like she is watching her's suffer would just be tragic I would imagine. I am sure there is anger on top of that sorrow and I can only imagine how difficult that must be to process and even put into perspective. On top of trying to wrap your head around all of this, you still have to care for him and make sure you keep yourself healthy and pulled together. Also, she is still working full time so add that on top of all this can only add more stress I'm sure. However, I would think, in some way, going to work must give her some type of reprieve from the gloom and sickness that likely fills the air at home. Just watching him either sleep or move around the house like an ailing man would be very difficult day in and day out. I would like to say there is hope that he will beat this disease, but he is in his 70's and is smoking again and now has started drinking again (which, honestly, I can't blame him at this point) so there is a better chance that he has far less life to live now. He has beat the odds for sure and proven the doctors wrong from his first diagnosis. He is a stubborn man for sure and I guess that has worked in his benefit in this case, and for my sister, I'm glad for that. However, even the most stubborn man cannot fight something as bad as this cancer and now that it appears that he has new tumors, although they are small, and he is getting blood clots and things are declining at times, I believe he has less time than we might think. I hate that, but I do believe it's coming sooner than we might think. I do pray my sister is stronger than she believes she is. I do believe our family will rally around her and be her strength when she needs it the most. I know her son will be there for her and hopefully can talk her into moving to Dallas to be closer to him, but until that time comes we will continue to reach out to her and show her support as much as we can from a distance. Cancer is such a hateful disease and it does not discriminate.