It is a pain and heartache like I have never felt or imagined I could feel.
December 1, 2019 will mark 9 years since you left this earth and I can honestly say that I feel no different today than I did that day. Sure, I fake it when I am around other people and make it through each day working and taking care of Tebo and daddy best I can as well as maintaining the house, but I can tell you that not only is it a struggle 24/7 365, but it is truly exhausting. It's a kind of exhaustion that you can't really put into words and until you have lived through the loss of your child, and in my case my only child, you can never know how this feels.
I put my feet on the floor every day and do what is expected of me, because I really do not have another option, but it is so difficult and I know I don't do well probably more days than I do, but I continue to try.
I'm not sure I will ever not feel this way, but I continue to push through the best I can. It's just my hope that one day it will become possible for me to retire at Tyson and focus on Tebo, daddy and my own heart healing rather than put on this fake face everyday. I'm not sure when I will get that chance, but I pray daily that it is sooner than later.
I miss you, son. That feels like such an understatement. I miss you so desperately that I literally and physically hurt.
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