I am so sorry. It's been nearly 3 weeks since I've gone to the cemetery for quiet time just with you and my thoughts. I've been so preoccupied with BoBo and trying to keep up with work and house stuff that I just haven't had my normal weekly routine and today I felt tremendously guilty as though I have been neglecting you. I would NEVER neglect you and just because I haven't been to the cemetery does not mean you haven't been on my mind 24/7 365! That will never change.
I also found myself feeling a bit jealous of my dear friend that lost her son, because she told me this week that they were working on a plan for her to no longer work and the only restriction her husband gave was she couldn't just sit at home everyday. I long for the day I don't have to come into work and fake everything is fine when all I really want to do some days is crawl into a hole.
I would definitely not be alone or bored now with BoBo living with us. He definitely keeps me busy, but I would really love not to have to fake how I feel around people in public and at work every single day. I really hate it.
BoBo is settling in really well and has adjusted much better to living with us than I anticipated. I knew it would be a challenge for all of us, but he has been a champ. He has had just a couple of days where he was not so nice, but only one really bad day this past Monday. He was very nasty to me and rude to Tebo, but we made it through the day all in one piece. That's progress. By the way, I was so flustered with him on me all day that I may or may not have had a little grease fire in the kitchen. I got it put out before any damage was done, but it made me a nervous wreck. BoBo was still just kind of on me and I just got a glass and poured myself some wine and sat down and watched Heartland with him so I could just chill instead of cry. All was good once we ate dinner and got him into bed. The next day things were much better. I guess he just had a bad day and I know that is going to happen more often as things progress, but getting there will be a learn as I go type of thing.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, my sister has done a ton of research on this dreadful disease and is sharing all that with me as well as a cousin that is very well educated in this so with that kind of help to continue to educate myself will only help as things progress.
I am blessed to have this chance to not only spend time caring for daddy, but to also give my sister some relief and freedom back so she can enjoy her children and husband again full time as well as give her flexibility to see our other sister fighting breast cancer right now. That might not have been the case had he not made the move to our house.
Daddy is such a loving fun man and when "Walter" doesn't show up it's a great time spent with him. I will cherish this time always.
Today also marks the anniversary when our Jessica "Kiki" "Jesse Bo" went to heaven. I have to believe she and Chadman are still catching him and Chad is still rubbing it in that they are the same age (well, until Oct. 19th) that is. He loved from May to Oct. so they could be the same age. It is so hard to comprehend that she has been in heaven for 23 years and Chadman has been there 9 years in December. I know they are in a better place for them, but boy the hole they left down here will never be filled. A mom's broken heart from losing a child cannot be explained or understood unless you have the horrible moment that you are in that position. I pray no other parent has to out live their child.
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