Sunday, March 1, 2015

Completely lazy weekend

Rarely do I indulge in a lazy weekend with Life Time movies and lounging on the couch, but this weekend has been one of those rare weekends.  One problem (for me anyway) with lazy weekends is you have far too much idle time to think.  I know, thinking should be a good thing, but the way my thoughts come through (some fleeting and some sticking around for a period of time) really can take me into several different directions emotionally.  I don't know if that is such a good thing or not, but it can also be exhausting, even on a very lazy weekend.

I thought I would document a few of my emotional journeys I have found myself on this lazy weekend.

  • The news media has been covering Bobbi Kristina's "incident" almost non-stop on some news channels, but I haven't remembered one story about our military heroes that have received this much media coverage.  This makes me very sad.
  • I personally know of parents that are either unwilling or unable to care for their kids and don't seem to mind letting someone else do their job for them when all I want to do is mother my child.  It is hard for me to understand this mentality.  I'm sure there are logical reasons and circumstances that come into play in theses situations, but the majority of the stories I've watched lately are not portraying those situations.  This is just heartbreaking.
  • It also occurred to me that military movies must not be "political" enough to win an Oscar.  It was the top grossing movie and yet it didn't win the big awards.  I've notice this trend over and over and that is very sad to me.  That is based on true life.  Lives that are being laid down for all of us to have the freedoms we have and yet can't be chosen for top awards.  This makes me pretty sad. 
  • I have a very close friend (a Bestie actually) that is continuing to fight this dreaded cancer and every time she starts feeling better physically, she gets additional "less than great" news.  I would take all this cancer away from her in a second if I could.  It breaks my heart to see her struggle like she does day after day and has young kids and a husband.  None of them deserve this journey.  However, the journey, as hard as it is for her (them), she pushes forward and continues to think of others above herself.  She is constantly trying to set their life up where it will be easier for them should the Lord decide to take her home before they are all ready (I mean, who is ever really ready for that?).
  • Our mom has Alzheimer's and it is and has been progressing quicker than we thought it would. Good news, she is happy in her moments most of the time, but the sad part is it feels like mom is really not here at times.  It's hard to watch and know it is going on, but I also know it is part of the life we call our own. 
Each and everyone of these situations cause me to take pause and sometimes even takes me back to a dark place in my heart and mind.  It makes me stop and think of all the hurt I feel there is someone feeling another kind of hurt, but it hurts the same none the less.  

I believe this is a huge problem in our world these days.  We don't have enough empathy for those around us and we just focus on our own problems or sadness.  For as bad as you feel at the moment, there is most likely another person hurting just as much, but in completely different circumstances.  

I need to strive to be a better me and a better person each day for as long the Lord keeps me on this earth.  I could lie and act like I want that to be a long time, but in all honesty, the sooner he decides to take me home the sooner I get to wrap my arms around my Chadman again and not let go.  That's the selfish side of me wanting to be with him again and sooner than later.  The realistic side knows it will happen in God's timing and I just have to be patient and I've never been great at that so it makes it even harder to do.

I have an amazing husband and 4 bonus kids from him and a granddaughter that bless me daily.  I have over 150 bonus kids from Chad's school to USMC that let me know they love us and are here for us.  Not many parents of our fallen heroes has that blessing, but we do.  I'm so grateful for all the family and friends we have in our lives.  They keep us going during the hard days.  We are some of the lucky ones.  My heart goes out to those that aren't as blessed with this kind of love and support.  It  must make hard days even harder.

If your children are still on this earth or your parents, let them know often that you love them no matter what and you will always be there for them.  You won't regret it, I promise.  

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