Approaching May 2014... Memories start flowing

It is hard to believe that this May will be the 4th birthday we have had to go through without Chadman.  We just went through Easter and on the way to my parents' house I looked at Tebo and said, it's hard to believe this is the 4th Easter without him.  He agreed and of course not knowing exactly what to say we just sat quietly for a few minutes.  I'm sure he knew if a word was spoken the tears would come.  I was already anxious about attending church on Easter Sunday.  I mean why wouldn't that Sunday bring a big of anxiety?  Jesus died and rose again.  My son, the one person that defined who I was for 22 1/2 years wasn't going to rise again on this earth.  Was I a bit jealous, I don't know.  I'm not sure I could call it jealousy.  It was more like opening a fresh wound and pouring a little salt into it.  The service was actually very good and I was able to keep my emotions under control.  If I felt I was going to let the tears fall, I just removed myself emotionally from the situation and made it through.  It wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't because I was angry with God or anything like that.  It was simply a heartbroken mom trying to get through an emotional day.  Easter is for kids and while my niece and nephew were there, all I could think about was how proud Chad would be of both of them and how much he would have enjoyed hiding and hunting eggs with them.  Maybe that is why I was out there all 6 times we hid and hunted eggs that afternoon.  I just needed to feel that connection that I know he would have had with them had he been there.  

I'm not completely sure why today has been so emotional for me.  Maybe it's the end of April coming and rolling into May which is always a tough month.  Maybe it's just a day and I'm feeling a bitter more sad than yesterday.  I don't have the answer for that, but I'm certainly trying to make sense of it all the best I can.

I don't know what the right path is to take at this point.  May marks 3 1/2 years that my precious only child entered the gates of heaven and left this earthly world.  There is no getting used to that.  There is no year that it hurts less.  There are no days that I don't think of him and wonder what he would be doing today.  There isn't a day that I wake up living and breathing don't I don't long to see that crooked smile, that belly laugh when you really got him to open up, that "Chad" smell, or watching him in amazement as he slept like a question mark in "his" chair.  I don't see those things changing.  Oh I know, people tell you it gets easier over the years and you don't hurt as much.  Maybe they felt like I do today this early on and maybe they are right, but honestly, I don't think that will be the case for me.  For 18 1/2 years it was me and Chad doing life on our own.  Yes, we had family and friends, but when it came down to the financial and hard day to day stuff, it was me and Chad.  With 6 months left of his senior year in high school Tebo and I got married and we became a family.  It wasn't easy at first by any means.  Chad was used to being the man of the house and we had our routine and we had a lot of learning and adjusting to do (all three of us) and I feel like after a few bumps in the road we made it.  Just as we were hitting our groove and things were plugging along he made the decision to enlist in the USMC.  I remember the day like it was yesterday.  He came to me and Tebo with his intentions and all I asked him was to give it 3 months and consider all options before signing anything.  He knew at the time that college wasn't his thing and while I hated that, I respected his decision.  I was proud of him for owning that fact and for repaying us for the semester we had already paid for.  Did he do that willingly and happily, no, but at the end of the day, he did the right thing and that makes me proud.

Going from high school to college or working full time is a hard transition for any family.  I probably struggled even more than Chad as I didn't know how to let go.  He always needed me and I needed him and suddenly he needed me less and I started feeling like I was losing him.  It was slow, but it felt like all at once for me.  I wanted to know where he was always and that he was safe and I was only truly at peace when he was in our house and in his room where I knew where he was and he was ok.  That's not what we are supposed to do as parents.  We raise them for this world and to be prepared for what the world has to offer (the good and the bad).  We always wonder as we are raising our kids if they really listen to us or hear the teachings we try to share with them.  Well, after 3 1/2 years with Chad being gone I continue to get confirmation that he listened to me more than I ever thought he had.  It does my heart good.

I will give you just a few examples of what I'm talking about.  Before Chad passed away he was driving to CA from AR (alone) and I made him call me every hour and if he didn't and I called him, he had to answer or I was panicked and I wouldn't let up until I heard his voice.  This child knew this all too well so if for some reason he wasn't able to grab the phone when I called he was quick to call me back.  He knew his momma was relentless when I knew I needed to hear his voice and know he was ok.  Then during training there would be some guys that would try to sneak better MRE's and shouldn't have, but when they would ask Chad he would refuse to go.  Now, the significance of this is important.  Those that knew Chad, knew he was a very picky eater.  Once he found an MRE he liked that is basically all he would eat, but since his favorite (Mexican meal) was usually the first to go, if he had recently had one he would give his up to someone who had not gotten one.  I love that about him.  Then if one of his guys was struggling with something he was quick to offer to help them and teach as much as he could.  After Chad passed away I started learning more and more things that he did that showed me he had character and leadership that I didn't always get to observe when he was here.  That could have been because I was quick to just do it for him, but either way, he was watching, learning, and listening.  Just recently one of his Marine buddies gave him the ultimate compliment.  I won't share too many details as I didn't get his permission, but basically Chad was his senior and this young man was on that patrol that faithful day of December 1, 2010.  He mentioned that Chad was always hard on him.  He would push him hard when Chad's peers would cut him some slack.  He admitted to me that he didn't like Chad much (most good leaders have people that aren't going to like what they have them do so that is understandable).  Then this young man told me something that filled my heart with more pride than I thought possible to have for a child.  He told him he knows Chad saved his life and Chad's impact on him didn't stop in Afghanistan.  He said even today in his job when he feels like complaining or quitting he hears Chad in his head telling him he will push through and he can do it.  I can certainly thank the Marine Corps for teaching him that leadership and all the influences in his life that taught him not only to be a good leader, but an upstanding human being when no one was around to see what he was doing.  He was a wonderful son, he was a great grandson, uncle, nephew, and an amazing husband.  I don't know how he got to be so good at all these things, but he did and it did my heart good to hear it from someone other than my family.

Parents, don't lose hope that your children are hearing you.  One of the things that would drive me crazy was how Chad would (or wouldn't) clean his bathroom.  I would show him and walk him through the steps many times.  When he enlisted into the Marine Corps and started cleaning his barracks he got high marks for his room and (get this) bathroom being so clean.  He was listening and learning when I didn't think he was.

Spend time with your children, even if it feels like an inconvenience at the time.  I would love to be inconvenienced right now with having to track him down, help balance his checkbook, or wait up because he was late getting home or he was late for dinner, because he was tracking a deer.  Time already goes so fast and we never know when our child will be called into the gates of heaven so live each day as though you aren't sure tomorrow will come, because for some of us, it didn't.  That is a hurt and a heartache that just never leaves you.

I've said to people before that said, oh it will get easier over time.  Well, I don't want it to get easy to miss my son.  I don't want it to get easier knowing I will never see the man he could have been or the children he would have had.  I think about how proud he would be of Jorden for going to college and sticking it out when it got hard (proud is what he would be).  I think how hard it would be to see Peanut so grown up (it would wear him out I'm sure).  I know he would be cracking up at Scooter 24/7 and he would probably egg him on like his BoBo does.  He would have been amazed with his aunt Stacy going through breast cancer and then he would be so proud of her for kicking cancer's ass (sorry for the language).  He would love the fact that his uncle Leckey build a processing plant (what little redneck wouldn't have been).  He would be proud that his aunt Paige has handled Jorden leaving for college with the grace she did and continues to do.  He would be tickled to see his uncle Rodney every chance he got and probably beg to go fishing with Brent and be late for dinner or something.  I think about how he would have been thrilled that his cousin Timothy got married and I am sure he would have been right there to support him in all he has gone through and accomplished.  He would be excited at the thought of his aunt Dawn and uncle Mark potentially moving to AR or OK and being closer especially since his uncle Mark was all into Bob Cats and hunting.  He would be shocked at how big aunt Amanda and uncle Jeff's twins, Caleb & Kayla, are and how smart they are.  He would definitely want to see them more often.  He would love both his aunt Amanda and uncle Jeff.  He would feel right at home with them easily.  He would be crazy about the fact that Christopher is almost 20 years old and that Cole is into bikes and skater world like he was.  He would be super proud of his uncle Clay for going through a few tough life changing situation with the grace and faith that he did.  He would still wish he could see his cousins James and Betsy, but mostly he would be proud of his uncle Rae for doing the right thing for himself and his family especially his kids.  He would be proud that BoBo stopped smoking and that he and Nana are doing so well.  He would love that Granny and Papaw continue to be as healthy as they are and while he would hate to see Granny fighting the fight she is today, he would have empathy for her like he did grandmother.  That's just the kind of kid he was.  He would be so proud of Tia making a huge move to AR and doing as well as she is doing at Tyson and now going to college, but for also taking care of his mom when I was sick.  He would be so proud of Candi and Nathan making their life back in Texas and expecting their first child.  He knew that's what they wanted and he would be so proud for them.  He would be amazed at how well Trevor has done through his high school years and in One Act.  He would get a kick out of seeing him perform and to see what life holds for him after high school.  Last, but certainly not forgotten, Chad would be so proud of Katie.  He would not have ever wanted her to give up on love and happiness and he would be so proud of all she has accomplished and the fact that she has found happiness again.  She also found happiness with an amazing guy that accepts that Chad is part of her life and he allows her not only to contiinue to mourn when she needs to or remember when it's needed, but he also helped her find a place she could go to reflect and have quiet time with her thoughts of Chad since she can't always be at the cemetery where Chad is laid to rest.  I've not met him, but I already know that I will like him and Chad would approve.  I know my son well enough to know that for a fact.  Just one more reason I love him like I do. 

Chad would also be so proud of his buddies from high school.  Seeing them getting married and some having babies would tickle him to death and he would be a great uncle to all of them.  He would love that his Marine buddies are carrying on and he would be sad for those who struggle.  He had a heart the size of all outdoors and I loved that about him and I probably miss that as much as anything. 

I was blessed for 22 1/2 years wtih the most amazing son that showed me every day that he loved me and truly had a heart for people and especially his family.  I can sit some days and just imagine the man he would be today.  He would have been 26 years old May 25, 2014.  It seems impossible, but more than that it seems impossible to imagine and live this life without him, but that is the hand we've been dealt.  I'm still learning how to navigate this new world.  I don't like it at all to say the very least, but I don't have a choice.

I'm so fortunate to have such an amazing family and group of friends that truly love me and my family like they do and that is extended to his high school buddies and their wives as well as his Marine buddies.  They have just stepped in and made sure we are ok and taken care of.  Words can't really describe that.  Knowing how much they love him and carry that over to us is just overwhelming that words don't do it justice.  I know I couldn't have made it this far without my family and friends and his friends, but certainly couldn't have considered taking the first step on December 2, 2010 without Tebo by my side.  He has surpassed any expectations I may have had for our marriage and relationship.  He just knows sometimes when all I need is a hug or even just a look and then to be alone with my thoughts and then there are times he knows I just need to cry or talk.  He just accepts it and has never once made me feel silly or like I didn't have a right to feel like I do.  His entire family has treated me with nothing but love and care.  They have mourned Chad's loss right along side us and they may never know what that has meant to me.  I know if Chad could look down and see how well Tebo is taking care of me he would want to reach down and give him a huge hug just to say thank you.  (Never mind Chad was worried he would have to take care of me the rest of his life LOL)

I know this was rambling, but it was things I felt in my heart and it's my hope that if any parent (or child) is reading this that they won't take one moment for granted with the ones they love and stop long enough to smell the roses and do those silly things that seem inconvenient at the time, because one day it might just mean the world to you.  I dare you to give that a shot.  I can promise you this, you will never look back with regret for spending more time with your children and family.  That's a guarantee from me to you!

Baby Chad with his curls

He was one of their personal barbers in Iraq

Hunting Easter Eggs at Grandmother Croft's house <3

His football game face...

That wonderful TN t-shirt

In California (so handsome)

In KC waiting to leave for Boot Camp (had to be one of many of the hardest things I would ever do)

His first deer!



Talk about a night you can never forget

Isn't it amazing that there are significant life events that you will always and forever (good or bad) that you will remember every detail.  Regardless the pain, I will never forget the night of December 1, 2010.  That morning started out (for the most part) like any other day.  I had a phone call at 2:00 am from Katie who had talked to Chad.  She was so good about calling me every time he called and I told her I didn't care what time it was.  At least I knew if she talked to him, he was safe. 
I got to work that morning and immediately wrote him a Motto letter (it would get there a bit faster as I could send it electronically and they would print it off and hand deliver it to him).  All day something just felt off.  I couldn't really put my finger on it. I had tried to contact Katie several times during the day with no luck so while I wanted to panic that she was sick or something happened to her I remained calm as I knew she would eventually call me back.  Finally on the way home from work Tebo and I were going to stop and get a sandwich for dinner and take it home and I finally got in touch with Katie.  It had to be around 5:30 or so by now.  I could tell in her voice something wasn't right.  Then she asked to speak to Tebo and while she didn't tell him anything she just said we needed to get home.  We drove home and Tebo was driving pretty fast and I just reached over and pat his hand and asked him to slow down.  He said why, I said, something is wrong and I just need a few more minutes.  We continued driving home and when I got there Katie had asked me to call her back from the house.  I did that.  Suddenly the doorbell rang.  My heart literally sunk to the pit of my stomach.  I told Tebo not to answer it.  He said, I have to babe.  I said, can you tell if they are in uniform and he said, yes babe, they are.  I said please don't let them in.  It's not good.  He opened the door to see 3 Marines in dress blues and I just starred at them for a moment.  They confirmed who we were and then they told me my baby boy would not be coming home alive.  I know they used better words, but that was the message I heard.  My baby wasn't coming home.  I just bawled.  I looked at Tebo and said, I knew this deployment was different and he agreed and just held me.  He said he thought Chad felt that way too.  There are spots of that night that are lost in my memory, but the next thing I remember is telling him we had to go find daddy and tell him in person.  I couldn't do that over the phone.  I didn't want to tell anyone else until my parents and siblings and Tebo's kids had all been told and I desperately didn't want anything posted on Face Book until I knew for sure our closest family had been notified.  I don't even remember the drive to daddy's, but I knew there was a chance he would be at church, but we stopped by the house first just in case he didn't go.  We walked in and immediately my bonus mom knew something was wrong.  We told her and we cried and I said I have to get to daddy.  We walked in church and they got his attention and he walked out to the vestibule and when I told him he just buried his head in my chest and stomped his foot.  He was so broken.  Then my sister and brother in law came in and the cries will never be forgotten.  We left and went home and a dear friend at church kept Peanut and Scooter until we could get our thoughts about us.  We went to daddy's where I called my sisters and had one of my sisters go to mom's house and tell her in person as I didn't want her to hear over the phone either.  We gathered ourselves the best we could and Tebo drove back home.  I don't remember the drive home either.  I just know he held my hand and let me cry.  The next few days were a blur.  We had our Marine escort with us to Dover and throughout the entire dignified transfer and when Chad arrived in Northwest Arkansas completely through the funeral.  They continue to check on us even 3 1/2 years later.  They are family now. 
I will never forget that night.  I will never forget that pain and sadness.  As I type this with tears flowing from my eyes all I can think in my head is my baby boy is not coming home alive.  It still does not seem real.  I keep thinking I will wake up from this horrible dream, but I never do.  Every morning I wake up and that is the first thing that pops into my head, my baby boy is no longer here on this earth.  I still truly can't comprehend this thought, but it is my new reality.  I function (well, best I can), but there are days where I am literally paralyzed with sadness and grief and I don't quite know how to put one foot in front of the other.  I guess it's just a good idea that walking is a natural act after a certain age or I'm certain I wouldn't move some days. 
This is just because my heart is aching for you so much every day and today is especially harder for whatever reason.  I love you big as the sky Chadman and not a moment that I am breathing goes by that you aren't missed desperately. 

Maybe I'm still to new at this

These are beautiful words that were written by LaRita Archibald and reviewed by Rebecca Morrison that I read in the TAPS magazine.  The main thing I read was "Believe it, my wounded friend.  There will be a time when you won't hurt as bad as you do today; a time when you will laugh without feeling guilt; a time when you will again experience pleasure and look forward to each day with gratitude.  Yes, there is a time ahead when you will flourish, thrive."
Well, while these are beautiful words and I am sure there is truth in these words, I just must not be there yet or even close.  Honestly, I don't want it to hurt less.  I don't want to carry on each day without feeling or knowing I have this loss that absolutely nothing will ever be able to fill.  If I do that it makes me feel like he didn't matter or he was never here.
Yes, I know people mean well and I know even those that have lost a child find a way that it hurts a little less and they go on with their lives and I'm so grateful for that.  Don't get me wrong, I go on with life.  I get up every morning and go to work or carry on with my normal duties that I've always done, but it is with a different heart.  It is with a gaping whole in my heart that at times feels like it will take me to my knees.  While I am certain all parents that have lost a child in one way or another feel those pains and I know their loss is not lessened because of time.  I'm just saying for me, that time has not come yet.  The title to this article is "Finding Peace Without All the Pieces".  I do like that phrase.  That is exactly what life feels like right now and I believe will for the rest of my living days.  I will be in search of finding peace without all the pieces.
Don't feel sorry for me though.  I'm blessed to have an amazing family and amazing friends and seems like each day I continue to meet new friends and while some of those friends are in "the club" just as I am, it's always nice to meet new friends.  I feel like I learn from them all in one way or the other and I can only hope and pray that I can give them something in return, but I'm not sure how that is possible at this point yet.
I love helping others.  I would rather spend every day of my life helping someone else and doing for someone else than for someone to do something for me or to have to help me.  I'm not a good patient and I'm an even worse (if possible) person in need when it comes to matters of the heart.  I would like to think that will change, but I'm pretty sure this is just who I am and I'm not seeing a lot of changing taking place any time soon.
In the meantime I guess I will continue doing what I am most comfortable doing, helping others.  I have words for others and I have great ideas in my head, but actually doing some of those things for myself just don't seem to come as easy for whatever reason.
If you are part of the military family and have found yourself in the unfortunate position to be a Gold Star Family and are not receiving the TAPS magazine, I encourage you to reach out to them at www.TAPS.org.  There are so many good articles and events that are geared towards those families of our fallen whether it be in combat, from wounds sustained in combat, or losing a child to PTSD.  They are here to help us all and while I may not reach back out for much, I do read nearly everything I can get my hands on.  Who knows, maybe there will come a day when I feel I need more professional help and seek out a counselor, but for now, helping myself through reading, and learning from others, blogging and working our foundation and reaching out to those suffering with PTSD or have been impacted by this silent disease.  This seems to be working ok for me right now and why mess with something that isn't broken.  Right?  :)

PTSD is not only effecting our military

Our service men and women that are diagnosed and suffering with PTSD are not the only ones suffering.  Have you ever stopped to think what this does to their family and close friends?  Moms and dads have to watch their child suffer and feel there is nothing they can do.  Spouses watch and many times are pushed away and feel helpless and abandoned.  The children of these service men and women don't understand.  All they know is mommy or daddy is different now and they just can't figure out why and there is always that chance they may even blame themselves.

We as a Nation owe it to these service men and women and their families to do all we can do to help them.  It could be a simple card/letter, an encouraging word, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, anything.  It doesn't even have to cost you money or that much time.  It would be amazing to these folks that are suffering just to know there are people out there that do really care about what they are going through.

I can only imagine how alone each of these people must feel at times and I think that is what breaks my heart the most.  I would never want them to think they have no one to turn to.

It has been my experience so far that many of our service men and women suffering chose to suffer in silence for several reasons (I believe).  One, I believe they don't want to burden their families any more than they feel they may have already done.  Second, I'm not sure they know how to take that first step and just open up.  Third and probably most importantly, I believe they view this as a weakness and they have been trained not to show weakness and to be brave and strong at all times.  This makes me sad.

They have been trained physically and emotionally to be protectors.  How can they lean on someone else, especially family and friends, if they continue to feel it is their "duty" to protect them?  I believe many of them feel this way.  I could be wrong, but based on the ones I've talked to, I don't think I am.

Stop and think how these parents must feel.  I will speak specifically about the moms as those are the ones I've actually spoken to so far.  They not only feel helpless, but they feel a since of failure and abandonment.  You might ask yourself why since they didn't cause this.  Well, speaking as a mom, it is our job to protect and care for your child regardless his/her age.  I know for me, it wouldn't have matter how old Chad was or if he were married (which he was) or how many children he had (which were none), I would have still done anything and everything to take care of him and make sure he was healthy, happy, and just ok.  I believe all moms have that in them, always.

As for spouses, can you imagine?  First, the love of their life is different and sometimes very different than the man or woman they married.  They want to continue to love them and help them through this and feel helpless I'm sure.  Think about it, they know their spouse is different and sometimes someone with PTSD can be mean, certainly angry at times and depressed.  It may take them months or years to figure out this is the issue.  Can you imagine what a toll this would take on a marriage and sadly, I'm afraid, most don't make it through this.  It takes a mighty strong couple who are determined despite anything thrown their way, they will make this marriage work.  However, I can tell you, that is easier said than done when you feel there is no way out or no help for the situation. 

There is hope and there is a way out.  There are so many organizations out there willing and waiting to help.  There are support groups not only for the service member, but for the families as well.  Please take advantage of these resources.  If these organizations are anything like our Wings for Our Troops, they are desperate to help.  We long for the next service member to send home and when we go months without one request it gets disheartening.  I am certain that is how these other organizations must feel.

I was recently told that there is a military veteran that is looking into a business to train dogs that can sense when someone is about to have an episode or show symptoms of PTSD and will prompt the service member to take his/her medication.  Now I also have to tell you that I have yet to find such an organization out there, but I will continue to look.  I did, however, find that there are PTSD dogs that have been trained to be companions and they are seeing that it helps the patient cope when he/she has one of these dogs.  I'm not much of a dog lover (ok, not at all), but if this is something that helps our service men/women suffering with PTSD, I'm all for it.  I have a few links below that you are welcome to check out and see if any of these are a fit for you. 

By all means, if you are a service member and you have been diagnosed or feel you may be having symptoms of PTSD, talk to someone.  If you don't want to speak to your family or friends then find someone else.  I am an email or post away and there are so many out there with open arms ready to help lift you up.  That is certainly the first step in truly getting the help you need to live a long, healthy, and happy life.  You deserve it!

http://maketheconnection.net/conditions/ptsd?utm_source=adcenter&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=ptsd%20hotline%20for%20veterans&utm_content=ptsdveterans&utm_campaign=ptsd


http://www.allamericandog.net/ptsd_dog_training.html

 
http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/02/11/meditation-helps-refugees-recover-from-ptsd/65732.html

http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-and-diagnosis-of-ptsd/000158

http://ptsdsupport.net/

Please do not suffer in silence any longer and do not allow PTSD rob you of the life you deserve. 

Pain in a little boy's eyes that has to watch someone he loves suffer with PTSD (picture courtesy of easyreadsystem.com)

Picture courtesy of photo bucket

The look of a wife or mother that feels helpless in helping their child or spouse (picture courtesy of urbanchristiannews.com)

Eye of the Tiger

I'm actually working on a more serious blog, but decided last night that I was too mentally tired to complete it and I felt it deserved my undivided attention.  Then today I was trying to stay motivated to keep working as it has been a long and rough few weeks at the office.  I was playing my music on my phone and the song by Katy Perry "Roar" came on and I'm hoping she doesn't mind me using her YouTube link and image of her album to hopefully provide you with some motivation.  If you haven't listened to it yet, I encourage you to do so.  I believe when you listen to it and apply the words to your own situation, you will see quickly that it applies to most all of us.  Whether you are a veteran or active service member or the family or loved one of one that is suffering with PTSD, I believe it will apply.  Just take a few moments and listen to it...  I will wait.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CevxZvSJLk8

I believe anyone fighting through anything, regardless what it is (I include myself in this) that once you get the "eye of the tiger", you can do anything.
Yes, I am a huge Rocky fan (I know), but that is always my favorite part of all his movies (yes, I realize there are a lot) when they play that song "The Eye of The Tiger".  It gets you pumped up and motivates you to keep fighting. 

That's what I want for each of you.  Keep fighting.  You can do this and if it takes Katy Perry or anyone else to pump you up and keep you motivated, then use it! 

You owe it not only to yourself, but to your families, your children (if you have them), your fellow brothers/friends, and your fallen brothers to keep up the fight. 

None of us want to lose another one regardless if on the battle field overseas or on their own battle field at home.  If they can't get "the eye of the tiger" for themselves, you get it for them and keep helping them and push when you need to and make sure they know that we are cheering them on and will help them fight this fight if they will just let us in.  If you have someone not letting you in, keep at it.  They will eventually.  I just have to believe that.  You might have to find sly little ways to get in there, but you can do it.

There are so many inspirational people out there that live every day despite their situations, but they didn't do it along most likely.  They had people around them that encouraged them and kept them focused and helped them fight.  There may be a day you have to fight for them and that's ok too.  Just show them we will not give up on them.

So get out there everyone and "ROAR" and get the Eye of the Tiger and lets help the ones struggling and hurting.  I'm ready to fight, are you?

Picture courtesy of www.vibe.com/article/katy-perry-roar

As for my family, we will never forget...

We continue to have young men and women on the front lines in battle.  They are experiencing things young people their ages should not have to experience.  I can't speak for all branches of the military, but I can speak for the U.S. Marine Corps.  These men and women are the essence of the Band of Brothers.  It doesn't stop just with each other.  The young men in my son's unit continue to not only honor Chad in every way they possibly can, but they continue to make sure my family is ok.  After 3 years I rarely have a week go by that I don't hear from at least one of them just checking in and making sure we are ok.  This is a life long bond people.  It isn't something they did right after Chad's passing and shortly after their returned home from Afghanistan, it is something they have obviously committed to do for the remainder of their days on this earth.  I can't give this gesture justice as there truly are not words to describe this efficiently.

I've met more friends through this journey that have lifted us up and encouraged us on a regular basis.  We continue to come in contact with even more of Chad's battle buddies who we have adopted as well and hope to not only help through their own journey, but to take something from them to help us learn more about how to help more veterans and their families.

Someone shared this with me today and I thought it might be helpful to someone to know we are not forgetting about what you and your brothers in arms are living with.  I hope this isn't painful for my "bonus sons" to see and read, but rather encouragement to see how far they have come and how proud we are to call them family and see how they are overcoming something that I am sure felt impossible on December 1, 2010.  We have not forgotten what you went through and we will never be able to repay all you do for us daily to make sure we are ok and carrying on Chad's name and honoring him along with our family with all you do.

http://www.corbisimages.com/stock-photo/rights-managed/42-28122580/afghanistan-us-marines-cope-with-combat-stress

It is not only my promise, but my commitment to all who are suffering with PTSD or living with or love someone with PTSD to help and encourage if it is just with words, prayers, or a shoulder to lean on.  I'm not a doctor and I'm not formally trained in counseling or helping with PTSD, I'm just a mom who lost her son and is watching her "bonus sons" (both military and civilian) suffer as a result of losing her son.

I just want to help in any way possible no matter how big or small.  I know I won't make a huge impact on the world and I'm not trying to.  However, I would like to at least make one person feel better and if I can help more than that I will consider that a bonus.

Thank you for reading and if you have encouraging words or anything that might bring a smile to someones face that is suffering silently please visit our newest Face Book pagehttps://www.facebook.com/PTSDihelp?ref=hl and post your kindness and words of love and support to our troops, veterans, and their loved ones.

The more we reach out and the more we get the word out, the better chance we have of helping these young men and women.  It is the very least we can do for all they have done and continue to do for us.

What I would say, if I could

There are so many things that we want to tell our children on a daily basis.  Most of us (thank God) have the chance at some point to tell them.  However, in my case that won't happen, but it doesn't mean I can't write it down and pretend that I'm telling him what I want to share with him.  I plan to write this post as though I'm actually speaking to Chad so if you need to stop now, I'm super ok with that.  This is my letter to Chad anyway so it won't hurt my feelings at all.

Dear Chad,

It's been a crazy few weeks and I have been so tired and frustrated as much as Tebo's has been.  I thought I would take a moment to tell you some things that, if you were here, I would be telling you.  I imagine that at this point in time of your marriage and being a civilian you would be at the point where you would be considering having a baby, if not already having one.  I would tell you to enjoy every moment as one day you will want this back.  Just like the song says when kids are screaming in the background and crying and you can't get anything done around the house or yard, you might want to rush through that time period, but I caution you to just soak it up and enjoy it, because one day you will want that time back.  They will be in their teenager years and trying your patience and rules and you will be venting and upset, but I would tell you to just breathe and know that one day you will want this time back.  When he or she enlists in the military or go into a job that takes your child away to a different location, you will be sad or frustrated that he/she didn't go the direction they wanted to go, but don't fret, one day you will want this day back regardless how painful it feels at that moment.
One day you will watch your son or daughter walk down the aisle to marry the love of their life and you will wish you could freeze time.  Well, you can't freeze time as badly as you will want to, but the great thing about this is you will be expanding your life with a new son or daughter that you can love even though you didn't think you had capacity for.  You will.  Why?  Because you will love your son or daughter so much that if they love someone and they love your child, you will love them.  That's just how parents are.

When you get that job you've always wanted, show up early.  Stay late if you have to.  Learn all you can to be the best at your job you can be.  Live your day every day so when you lay your head down at night you know you were the best person you could be that day.  I know I told you this all the time, but it is still true today.

Everyone would like to be remembered as a good person who did the right thing and were loyal to those they loved.  I believe you are remembered that way (and not just because I'm your momma).

Love you wife just like you want a man to love your daughter.  Be the kind of father you want your son to be.  You do these things and you will have no regrets.

Laugh a lot, live life at it's fullest, but make room for God and make sure that you live to honor him all the days of your life.

Always remember to spend as much time as you can with not only your family (wife and kids), but the rest of your family.  Life flies by (especially once you have babies) and before you know you will be wishing you had spent more time with them and sadly sometimes that time is too late.

Don't forget about your friends.  They love you and real friends are hard to come by.  When you find them invest in them and in your relationship with them.  Don't let anyone ever come between you and spending some time with friends.  Obviously being married you will have to balance that, but as long as you are spending time with your wife and kids when you can, then finding time for our friends will be the easy part.

Try to be careful on the alcohol.  It's ok to have a few, but don't get in the habit of drinking so much that it interferes with your life and family time.  Then you need to re-set your priorities.  Speaking of priorities, when you are married there is some flattery when you are a little jealous, but never be so jealous that it becomes the perception that it is controlling.  That is never attractive to any woman.

You know what it attractive to women?  In my opinion, remembering to tell her she is pretty even if she isn't wearing make up (which i know you actually prefer), that she looks nice in her outfit even if it isn't your taste.  If she likes it, then just like it with her.  It must make her feel good if she likes how she looks in it.  This one you kind of messed up on already, but it always bears repeating.  If your wife makes dinner for you and you happen to not care for it all that much, just eat it anyway and tell her how good it is.  One day you will have a chance to tell her that it isn't your favorite (in a nice way) and then you won't have to worry about it.  I know I'm to blame for a lot of your eating habits, but she isn't use to them and she just wants to please you.  Sometimes she will get it right and sometimes, not so much.  The not so much times are sometimes the best memories.

Speaking of memories, make them out of every opportunity you are given.  It might be playing in the rain or making up words that don't belong in a song.  Laugh, laugh at yourself and the situation, but always remember that there are times when laughing isn't going to work and you need to be sensitive.

it is not (regardless what society might say) to be sensitive in your marriage.  That is as important than laughter.  I will also warn you that if you have a female friend that is having trouble, you can be sympathetic, but I would kindly say, you know, my wife might know more about this than I do and let your wife take it from there.  A married man should never been a confidant to a female especially when there is marital problems.  It doesn't look good to start, but it can also lend itself to a situation you may regret one day.  No one ever wants that.

I will close this letter with what I tell you all the time.  Family is forever so make sure anyone you love, loves your family as well.  That is important.  Also, once you are married, she comes first, but is not only.  You still need to call your mom and your family and friends.  It can't just be the two of you.  That's not good for either one of you.  Family and friends should enhance your marriage and relationship and I believe for you that won't be a problem.
Live each day like I'm watching, but more than that, so that you can lay your head down each night and know that you were the best person you could be that day and above all, have no regrets.  Do what you believe in and believe in what you do.

I love you son and missing you is just what it is, missing you until I see you again (and I WILL see you again).  Your friends and brothers in arms miss you and love you so much.  We have lots of little Chads, Staffords, and Wades running around or soon will be and it thrills me to know you are still very much a part of our lives even if you are not on this earthy.

Love,

Momma Bear

Christmas 2009