Five Year Heavenly Birthday

It's hard to wrap my head around the fact that you have been gone for 5 years.  That is longer than you attended high school or even longer than you served in the Marine Corps.  That is a very sobering concept to me.
The last few years I've made a point to take this day, December 1st, off.  I've found that doing so it not only good for me, but good for my co-workers as well.  The one thing I am incapable of doing is containing my emotions when it comes to reflecting on this day and how it all changed in 2010.
So today, I did my "normal" visit to the cemetery and took the staff Christmas cookies and ran a few errands and came home with every intention of just piddling around the house and making sure Tebo had dinner when he got home from work, but instead I found myself looking through old pictures.  I have to say, while there were definitely tears there were far more smiles.  Oh what a joy you always were to me and you made (and still do) my heart so full.
Not only was I blessed to be your mother for 22 1/2 years, but now I'm blessed with your friends and family that do such a great job of taking care of us and my heart.  You would be so proud.  It's true that there are days I have my pity party and I don't feel like a real mom anymore, but just then either one of my bonus kids or family members or friends will do or say something that brings me back around.  I'm truly grateful for those moments.
However, today I want to share a little bit of you with the world (or at least those that read this).  They deserve to know some of the sweet moments that I was honored to have and then some that may not be so pleasant, but are very honorable that most people are unaware of and should know.
So here goes a little walk down memory lane through pictures.  I wish I could have just put them all in this blog, but that would be impossible.  I'm sure there is a limit of some sort and the blogger world would probably lock up.  I definitely enjoyed taking your picture.  Yes, I know, most of the time you were totally over it, but thank you for indulging your momma bear.  It's hard to express what those sweet memories mean to me now more than ever.

You can't start this journey without the trip home from the hospital.  What you might find hard to see in this picture is the little sore on the tip of his nose.  We didn't know at the time that he had double hernias, but he did and back then (no, it's not that long ago) they didn't want babies on their backs so they kept putting him on his tummy and it hurt so he would rub his little nose into the sheets until he made a sore.  I guess that should have been my first clue that there would be many more injuries to that sweet little face to come (and there were).

Born 5-25-88 Memphis, TN @ Baptist East

Once home the fun began.  I had no clue what I was doing, but you just rocked along with me until you and I figured it out.  Most couldn't handle our crazy "non-sleep" schedule, but it worked for us.

Who knew how curly that hair would get

 Aunt Ann gave you this shirt

 Started early with the Camo

 Just a walk to the park

 Cousins

 Then he turns ONE!

 Yes!  Boxes are the best entertainment 

 Oh the jeans and curls of it all

 Oh you know, just a little horse reading with BoBo & Jess

 Elephant crawling for Granny

 Cruising in the bathtub (Jessica's bed)...  Too cool for school

 Aunt Stacy's 1st model

 Oh that face and those curls!

 Pretty sure this had something to do with Granny's Christmas tree...  Ha!  That face

 What?  Not everyone blows bubbles when rounding the bases? 

 Not everyone can rock the mullet like this kid

 What?  It's normal to wear cowboy boots with your football uniform (for the record they were out of the Dallas Cowboy uniforms)

 He may or may not have gotten his fashion style from his BoBo

 Just a boy and his dog (Hannah)

 One of my favorite memories.  Our first trip to Neland Stadium

 I'm not sure I even want to know what they were thinking...

 Swimming cousins

 Always 1 pant leg up and 1 down (always)

 Oh how she loved him (she believed she prayed me pregnant)

 Don't remember what was so funny, but love the picture with Nana

 Oh their bond!  None other!

 Memphis Christmas with some of the cousins

 The Original Backstreet Cousins

 Yes, that is my son hiding in aunt Dawn's coat.  Ha!

 Easter in Memphis with uncle Rodney & aunt Paige

 Breakfast in Eureka Springs after aunt Stacy & uncle Leckey's wedding

 God I love this boy!

Yes!  That is him in the air and roller blades on his feet

 Our family (minus Lil Miss) in 2009

 Mother/Son dance <3

 So grateful I got to see him fall in love and get married

 Some of our family

 Friends for life!

 LOL

 The beginning of our blended family (2006)

 He was even good with the kids in Afghanistan 

 Don't think I want to know....  HA

My birthday trip to CA

 Carrying a brother

 Honor

 Respect

 No words needed

 Camp Pendleton 5-25-11

 They shouldn't have to be here

 Brothers for life

 Such respect

 Boy did he love these kiddos

 She loved him like he had always been her grandson (mom Boyett)

This shouldn't be...  :(

Five years!  I still cannot wrap my head around that.  It feels like yesterday and forever at the same time.  Saying I miss you would be ridiculous.  I long for you and my heart aches only when it beats.  Until I can kiss your forehead again I will miss you and long to be with you.  Love you son.

Road Trip Games

I bet it would be hard for me to find anyone that hasn't played games while on a road trip.  It could be finding every letter of the "alphabet" to "I spy" and the "license plate" game.  You know the one where you try to see how can find the most states? 
Well, I have a new one and one that could be very educational and at times even rewarding depending on what you do with that knowledge.
I have always been one to notice license plates.  It probably started when I was younger and we would drive from Tennessee to North Carolina and back.  First it was all about finding the most states (and you couldn't repeat one you already found) to trying to figure out vanity plates.  Those are usually pretty fun.
However, over the past 5 years I find myself noticing a different kind of license plate.  Military plates.  I don't mean Government plates.  I'm talking about our service members.  Have you noticed that every branch of the military has a plate in each state (all states as far as I can find) as well as some that specifically show what war they fought in if they had been to combat.  If they received a purple heart or other honors you might see those too.  There is also another plate that sadly I have on my car and that is the "Gold Star Family" plate. 
I try to make a point if I happen to be pulling into a parking lot or I am around someone with a military tag to say thank you for your service or I give another "Gold Star Family" a nod or smile if I see them and others have done that to me. 
These license plates aren't there for attention or recognition.  In fact, I would bet that most don't expect you to even notice let alone say something, but I have to believe that they are touched should someone make the effort to take a few seconds to just say thank you or acknowledge them for this service.
I went to the internet and searched for different state military license plates out there and found some of these images to help you spot more quickly these special plates.  These are special.  If it weren't for these special plates (due to the special people who earned them) we would live in a far different world than we do today.
Yes, I know our world is very scary these days, but we are still far more free than other countries and it is because of these brave men and women and the families that love and support them.  Check out some of these images courtesy of www.dmv.org 

Crazy turn of events

Back in June/July time period I received a picture of many Marines by a white bus.  The return address was Hawaii. I had no clue who it was from. I went back to some military service members we sent home through Wings for Our Troops and nothing added up. I kept this picture with the envelope and the note that simply said "Sending you our LOVE & Prayers Every day ❤️ Love, Joe & Kim (last name blurring for their protection). The last name did not match up to anyone we sent home. I would go back and look at this picture many times since then to try and figure out who it was and nothing. Today, November 12, 2015 I receive a message from "Joe" asking if I received the picture of "Wade". I immediately said no. Several messages back and forth and suddenly I remember this picture and envelope with the vague note and realize maybe that's what he is referring to. He asks me to send him a picture of the picture and he could point him out to me. Of course I do and he sends back a pictures with a white circle around Chad! Of course I immediately begin to cry because I can't make out my own son, but once he points him out I recognize his stand and jaw line and the flashlight in his hand that broke his tooth just before loading the white bus. Again, I begin to cry but this time because I am so grateful for this little treasure. He then share a precious funny story of the first time he and Chad met and then their last encounter. I love the stories. I love the pictures. So, thank you Joe & Kim!  You have done this momma bear's heart some major good today. God Bless you both. 

Missing him

If I'm breathing in missing him. Some days the miss hurts more than others. Lately the misses have been agonizingly painful and there is nothing that can be done about that except wait for a less painful day to come. 

He was so much of me... Well technically he was a part of me and once he was created and made his debut he took even a bigger piece. 

Oh what I would give to tell him everything going on in our lives and some of the things I would tell him he would totally call me a dork. Oh what I would give to hear him call me that today. 

No pity party happening here, just cold hard facts.  Missing him hurts and never goes away. That's just how it is. Today I just choose to express it a little more. 

How could I not miss this?  That little crooked grin and that huge heart. 

How I miss his goofy and fun side. His uncle Rodney appears to be easily persuaded to join in on some of that goofy stuff. 

How could you not miss this sight?  You can't. 

I'm so blessed with a family and a group of friends that lift me up daily (not going to lie, sometimes hourly), but there is really only so much another human being can do for this kind of painful miss. Most of that is on God to help me with and myself staying strong enough to endure the days, especially the harder ones. 

Oh how grateful I am (more than I ever thought I could have been) to have had this Christmas in 2009 with all our kids under one roof.  What a blessing this turned out to be. Thank you kids & Tebo for this priceless memory. 

For all his friends that continue to just be there for us and include us in their lives, we thank you. It makes a difference, know that. 

For my family and friends that are always there with encouragement and love. If I had the room and access at this time for all the pictures I would add them, but to get all of you in pictures added would be crazy and to me, that's amazing so thank you for that. 

Oh how I miss him sleeping in the craziest positions and still having the ability to stand up straight and walk when waking up. 

As hard and heartbreaking as this is, it was part of a bigger plan that I'm certain I will never truly understand and will never get use to, but for all those that help us remember him and miss him like we do and for continuing to love on us... Thank you and it's what keeps me going. 

Missing you, son will never go away and if you were here right now I would hug you so tight and tell you how much I love you. Because I do!  

I'm Sorry...

Very short sentence, but powerful and for some impossible to say. 

I'm so glad I am not the kind of person who can't say "I'm Sorry". Heck, there have been times when I apologize for either no reason or reasons I'm not aware of just to make things right with a person. I've also been known to apologize for other people. 

Why is it so difficult for some to utter those little words especially when they can move mountains with another human being. 

I do not want to leave this world with so much pride or anger or whatever it is that I cannot apologize to a person. 

Stop and think for a moment when you last apologized for something. Hopefully it hasn't been very long or if it has I hope it's because you're an awesome person who never makes mistakes or hurts others, because frankly, that would ROCK!

I tend to believe that most people are good at heart and while we all make mistakes (and sometimes might not even realize it) I choose to believe that most want to do right by others. 

So, I will practice what I write and say I'm sorry if you are reading this and I've hurt you or wronged you in any way.   I prefer to say that to you face to face or over the phone and if I haven't apologized to you in one of those two manners it is because I am unaware that I have hurt or wronged you so please take this as an invitation to let me know so I can make things right.  That's all.... 

This One is for RED!

I

October 19, 1987 a beautiful little red head was born to my sister, Paige.  She was truly amazing from day one.  She wasn't your ordinary child.  Her hair was the shade of red that almost looked orange in the sun and she loved it and so did everyone else.  To this day I can't see a red headed little girl without thinking of Jessica and if I see an adult woman with red hair I can't help but wonder what she would look like today.  Monday she would be 28 years old.  WOW!  That's almost hard to imagine her at 28 years old.  I do know that she would be an amazing young woman and very loving and loyal.  This I know for sure.
Jessica was so amazing for so many reasons, but the most amazing time this really showed was once she was diagnosed with brain cancer.  She was not only a trooper through the entire ordeal, but she was always smiling and would reassure everyone else that it was going to be okay.  This would have been difficult for anyone let alone a child that was 8 years old at the time.  However, she did it!  It would make you never want to complain about anything every again.
My sister did such a great job raising her.  She just ate up everything about her and did the same thing when Jorden was born 4 years after Jessica.  I can say she loves being a mom and always enjoyed every moment with her girls.  I always envied her ability to just embrace every moment and turn it into a great memory.
Jessica was very much that way as well even at a young child.  Some of my favorite memories (and there a many) happened at some of the most "non-momentous" moments.  Like, one day I had been at BoBo and Nana's house with her and Chad and although Chad was too small and not talking yet (and at a time it was okay for kids to sit in the front seat) it didn't stop Jessica ("Red") and I from chatting it up on the way back to my house.  We were just driving along at night and she looks up and says, "Ammy, one day, I'm gonna catch that moon".  I laughed and said, yes you will (or something to that affect).  I then realized she was saying that because it felt like the moon was following us.... Out of the mouths of babes.
Then one Fall we were driving back to the house (again from BoBo & Nana's) and she said, "look Ammy, the trees are bald-headed"!  I had never thought about the trees being bald-headed when the leaves fell off, but she did.
Another favorite memory with her is her special bed at Ammy's house.  I lived in a 2 bedroom trailer house at the time so I made the 2nd bathroom bath tub her bed.  We filled it full of quilts and blankets and she would just snuggle down for bed each night.  She loved it and I knew she couldn't fall out.  However, there was the one time when I hear a loud scream coming from the bathroom and ran in there to find her bed filling up with water!  Oh my, it never occurred to me (I know now that it should have) that she would turn the water on.  :)  I will say that she did that the one and only time, because she was just that good a girl.
She used nearly all of Chad's baby things like his highchair, toys, etc. before he did so it makes those memories even more special than they were at the time.
Chad and Jessica were so close that first they were cousins, then best friends.  As cute as it sounds to write and to remember even now, Chad used to tell girls growing up (elementary school and younger) that he already had a girlfriend and her name was Jessica.  I loved that and still do.
Jorden fulfilled that void for Chad and always felt he had to protect her and I love that about his heart.  Jessica had that same heart and that is why I know for sure that she would be full of love and loyalty today.
I remember Jessica this weekend before her birthday on Monday and every day, but wanted to pay a little tribute to her to celebrate what would have been her 28th birthday and still wonder what she would be doing today if she had gotten the chance to live her life.  Love you Jessie Bo, Red on the Head, KiKi, Jessica Gayle!  You were definitely Our Sunshine!  Love, Ammy

                     Jessica & Jorden

            Chad - Jessica - Timothy

            Chad - Jorden - Jessica

            Jessica & her Mom (Paige)

            Jessica & Chad - Besties

          Chad - Ammy - Red 💜