Thursday, June 9, 2016

Guilt, puzzling thing

I've had many people tell me not to feel guilty for some of these things, but that is far easier to say than to do.
I feel guilty if I laugh too much or have too much fun.  It comes in Ebs and Flows.  There are days I feel no guilt at all and other days I'm full of guilt.
Don't get me wrong, I don't feel guilty for anything I have done or not done where Chad is concerned.  I'm at complete peace with that (Thank you Lord), but I do feel guilty that my life continues and I experience things that I know he isn't here to share in or experience himself. 
If I have a moment when I am at complete peace, suddenly I feel guilty.  If I enjoy singing a song in my car while driving, I will suddenly feel guilty.
I can't explain it and there is really nothing anyone can do to make that go away.  It just is what it is.  I seriously doubt that will ever go away and if that's the case, I will just deal with it, but it is a very puzzling thing. 

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