I feel guilty if I laugh too much or have too much fun. It comes in Ebs and Flows. There are days I feel no guilt at all and other days I'm full of guilt.
Don't get me wrong, I don't feel guilty for anything I have done or not done where Chad is concerned. I'm at complete peace with that (Thank you Lord), but I do feel guilty that my life continues and I experience things that I know he isn't here to share in or experience himself.
If I have a moment when I am at complete peace, suddenly I feel guilty. If I enjoy singing a song in my car while driving, I will suddenly feel guilty.
I can't explain it and there is really nothing anyone can do to make that go away. It just is what it is. I seriously doubt that will ever go away and if that's the case, I will just deal with it, but it is a very puzzling thing.