Ten Digits

I've stolen this title from Cole Swindell's song "Dad's Old Number". This is more and more true not only for daddy, but for Chad. I find myself wanting to call both of them quite often. Daddy just passed away 6/24/20 and I still find myself needing to check on him and look for him when I can't hear him. I've attempted to call him multiple times a day and last night without checking Tebo pulled out 3 plates for dinner (fixing to make a plate for daddy). As for Chad, there is never a moment I am breathing that I don't think of the fact that I will never be able to hear your voice, talk to you,watch you develop as a man and one day a father. I can't tell you how many times I try calling our or how many text messages I send you even though you will never get them. Today my heart feels very fragile. Work is beyond stressful right now and I'm getting burned out quickly. Of course add missing BoBo on top of all that has felt like a lot. Trust me, if I could just stay in bed and do nothing for a while I would, but sadly working full time in a high stress work world these days that's not an option for me. We are paying for a 2 week trip to Italy in April 2021 (as long as COVID doesn't rear it's ugly self again). It is definitely overdo for a vacation. We wanted to take a long weekend away in August but with COVID and we are coming from AR you can't book hotels. It's just be a crappy year that's for sure. I want so badly to pick up the phone and call you, but I have to remember those 10 digits are no longer yours and that breaks my heart if it is even possible for it to be more broken. I've been weepy the last 3 days and while I'm sure work is a big part, YOU are the biggest reason. I miss you son in a way I never knew a person was capable of missing someone so much. However, it's like I miss you more every day. Love you son.