Sisters can also be a very fragile and at times difficult relationships that go through ups and downs just like any relationship would have.
There are times we all get along and there are other times where some of us are speaking and some are not. One thing remains constant, when there is a need, we show up and we put our differences aside and are just there for each other. That's how it should be.
Each of my sisters have a very special role they play in my life. I'm definitely not the best at sharing my feelings and opening up, but I do consider myself still a work in progress on that, but now that I am (shhhh) 54 years old, I'm pretty sure I will continue being who I am. I wish I could be more open and share my feelings more freely, but it's just not who I am and for the most part my sisters respect that about me and give me my time to work through how I feel. I know it drives them crazy at times too, but they seem to just understand that there is no changing that about me. I love that they get that and accept me for that regardless how frustrating it can be.
There are some things that I wish we had more of between all of us sisters and that would be that we could all be close at the same time and together. Relationships in general can be complicated and sisters are definitely no exception to that. However, I have come to be at peace with the fact that we will all always have relationships that are different with each other and that's okay with me now.
So I will explain the best I can how each of my sisters are special to me in their own way and how this relationship works for us (well, I guess I'm speaking for them, but it's how I see it anyway).
I will start with the one that is a year younger than me and go from there. There is a year and a few weeks difference in our ages. We are not the closest of sisters. Part of that, in my opinion, has more to do with her spouse and the fact that there has always been a distance between us whether it be geographically or just emotionally. She has a very strong personality and can be harsh at times and at one point in our lives she actually told me as she was chewing me out over the phone that she really wasn't mad at me, but that I am just easy to be mad at it so she let me have it. I still have no idea what she was angry about or who she was angry with, but when this happens (it's happened 2 really bad times), I give it time and typically when we have a serious/tragic event within our family she comes around and I accept her back again. I would like to think that over time (even though we are starting to get old enough now that it needs to hurry up) we will have that closeness or a closer relationship like true sisters. It's a hope I will always hold on to.
Then I have the first baby sister and she and I have always been close. Yes, we have gone through some ups and downs and spent time not communicating like we should, but we always find our way back to each other. I know if I need her all I have to do is call and she knows the same. We have traveled a very similar and sad journey in our lifetime. She lost her first child when she was only 8 years old to brain cancer. I thought I knew what that pain felt like, because Jessica felt like she was mine too for so long, but then losing my son (my only child), I knew then that although I had so much empathy for her, I truly did not understand the depth of that pain until I lost my son. I shut down big time and in some ways I guess I am still very shut down, but I do let people in, I just don't go to as much effort of being involved and/or engaged in life like I used to be and not sure I ever will be again. It's a change that happens to you that cannot be "unchanged". I hate that, but it is the truth. Then we come to the real baby of the family now. She and I too have always been very close. Even when I lived in NC and she was in TN she would call me any time she was in trouble or needed someone. Our relationship was slightly different, because our parents traveled a lot with Amway and I was 10 years older so I sort of step into a "Mom" role with her and honestly up until just recently we have continued to have more of a "Mom/Daughter" relationship, but I am looking forward to having just a sister role with her. I will still need to be "Mom" at times since we don't have our moms any longer and I am okay with that, but I am truly interested more in being a sister and experiencing that kind of relationship on a steady and regular basis. She and I recently went through a tough patch that actually felt like it lasted on and off for almost 3 years. We finally sat down and talked through everything that we felt was keeping a wedge between us and I have to say for the first time in a very long time that I have my sister back and I really don't know how to express how grateful I am for that. I'm looking forward to more sister chats and being close again. I've missed that. I miss that any time any of me and my sisters (any of them) aren't speaking or have issues between us. It's inevitably going to be times when one or all of us don't agree with each other and that's okay. It's just important to make sure that is a short period of time and doesn't drag out for a long time. Part of that when I'm involved is on me, because I take forever to think through and sleep on my feelings before sharing them and then some times I just get past it myself and never share my feelings about it. I do know that isn't the best or the healthiest way to handle things like that, but that's me and while I do wish I could change that about myself, I'm pretty sure that won't be happening any time soon.
This brings me to another sister that isn't my biological sister, but a bonus sister. She has been my sister since she was around 4-6 years old. We have never really lived close to each other to spend a ton of time together, but we are as close as you can be with the distance we have always lived from each other. We don't talk every day and some times it can be months before we talk or text, but I love her regardless and she loves me. When we are together we always have a good time. The saddest part of this sister for me is the lack of relationship she has with my other sisters. They all have their reasons for not being close or at odds and they are all valid reasons. I just hope and pray that one day that changes and they can have a closer relationship. My dream would be that all 5 of us girls could take a girls' trip some time and just have a great sister trip, but I'm not sure I will live long enough to ever see that happen. That makes me sad at times, but I have accepted that not all of us will have the same kind of relationship with each other, but at least when the chips are down we are there for each other. I guess until something else changes that this will have to be good enough and for me right now I guess it is. I would just like to have more with all of my sisters.
Then this brings me to my "unofficial" sister. It's my best friend since the 2nd week of my high school freshman year. We always say we are sisters from another mister. We are like soul sisters and while we don't always agree with each other, we love each other like sisters. Actually having all 5 of us girls together for "sister" time would be so great OR a nightmare.... LOL! That's a lot of hormones and personalities to be in the same place at the same time so anything could happen, but I do believe we could have a great time. Who knows, maybe one day that can happen, but until then I will continue to love my sisters in our own special ways and appreciate the fact that I have sisters who are also my friends.
Here's to one day having a great "sisters" weekend or week.
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