One Mom's Journey: Daddy's Girl

Well, it has been quite the last few weeks. Since Father's Day daddy has really been going down hill and quickly and by Monday, June 22, 2020 by around 3:00 pm he became unresponsive (of course I just thought he was sleeping a lot). Hospice came in and said they thought he had days or hours. I made sure the girls knew and could get here as quickly as they could. Sadly, by the time they could all get here he wouldn't open his eyes or respond at all. Daddy passed just before 9:00 pm Wednesday, June 24th peacefully and surrounded by his 4 girls and our husbands.
Being such a daddy's girl for so long I have had a hard time processing all of this and how I will go a day without talking to him. Since I can remember with the rare exception that I couldn't call I at least spoke to him every day and most days multiple times a day. I still feel like I am in a weird fog. It's a different fog than what I felt when I lost Chad, but it's a fog none the same.
I think every daughter is a daddy's girl in some way. All daddy/daughter relationships, even within the same family, are different and special to each of the daughters to their daddy.
As for me and daddy, I feel like we had a bond unlike most. We had always been very close and I seriously do not know how to feel with him no longer on this earth. I know I will reunite with him one day and I do know he is rejoicing and loving on Chad and Jessica and his parents now and at least his little mind is finally free of this disease of Dementia and Alzheimer's.

Since September 2, 2019 I had made it a priority to take care of him and make sure he was never alone unless he was asleep and even then I was constantly keeping a watch on him to make sure he wasn't having any problems during the night. I still worked full time at home until Oct. 1st and then a friend and old neighbor of ours let him hang out with her all day so I could go to work. We had a great routine going. I would drop him off around 7:30 am and go to the office and then leave work by 3:30 to have him picked up no later than 4:00 each day and then start our evening routine and then our shower and bedtime routine. He loved Pace and doing PT, but mostly enjoyed the socializing (especially with all the ladies).😎

Then the first of March COVID 19 hit and we were sent home to work from home indefinitely and Pace closed. I for one was thrilled to be working from home and loved it. I was literally in the same room with daddy all day long every day and enjoyed keeping an eye on him, taking breaks to watch Heartland with him when I could and made sure we ate every meal together so he wouldn't feel alone. We would take walks around the neighborhood and workout in our gym before it closed due to COVID. We truly enjoyed our time together (at least I did). I even attempted teaching him Face Book, but needless to say that was a huge bust, but it was fun the couple of days we tried it. He just couldn't figure it out, but he did look at some pictures and while I had to tell him who everyone was, he did seem to enjoy that for the mili-second it could keep his attention.

Our house feels eerily quiet and I find myself not knowing what to do with any down time I get with work as if I wasn't working I was doing something with or for daddy. COVID was both a curse and a blessing at the same time. It was a curse for most of the country/nation, but for me it was a blessing to get to just be with him 24/7 for over 3 full months. That is time I will never get back and will cherish all the days of my life.

I miss him terribly (selfishly), but I am so incredibly grateful that he is no longer a prisoner in his own mind with these dreadful disease. He is no longer dependent on someone else for everything and can remember things now and is walking like he used to.

Daddy, I knew you were ready and definitely tired of fighting through this disease that no one could help you with except keep you happy and safe as long as we could. I hope I did you proud (even though I am sure I was a helicopter daughter, being overprotective), but I did my best and wanted to take the best care of you that I could. I only hope in some way you were able to understand that while you were with us. I love you daddy and I will always be a daddy's girl. Continue to love on my baby boy and little Red and we will all see you again one day, but for me it won't come soon enough.