I've learned a few things along the way through all these losses. People grieve in far different ways. For myself, I internalize most if not all my feelings and tend to let mine go in my sleep (my poor husband). Some people find comfort in talking to family, friends, or a professional. Others lash out while others withdraw and shut people out (including family).
Again, there is no right or wrong way. The only thing we need to remember is that we cannot stay in that dark place. That is no good for anyone.
Burying a child, like my sister and I have had to do, is not the normal life cycle. Having to bury a parent or grandparent you expect at some point in our lifetime. Are we ever ready, hell no! However, that is the normal cycle of life. We have to find a new way to have a new "normal" again. That might come in months it may take a year, but if that grief of losing a parents stays so deep that you cannot function or have relationships much after a year there may be a problem much deeper and you likely need to seek help for that. This is my personal opinion obviously as I am certainly not a professional. I just know that as we get older and our parents get older we should expect to out live our parents. That's the normal path we should be taking. Out living our children is not.
I love my parents and I miss them terribly. I especially have a hole where daddy is concerned as we were very close and he was living with me for 9 months and passed away in my home. That's hard to face each day, but I also know that I took very good care of him for those 9 months and gave him every chance in the world to stay on this earth as long as possible. His poor little mind was just overtaken by Dementia and Alzheimer's. I find peace in the fact that he is his old self again now and can mow grass if he wants, fish or just have a normal conversation with his loved ones that went before him. There is a lot of peace and grace in knowing that. I also know that I will see him again one day as his old self and that makes my heart happy.
Is there a hole in our hearts because we have no parents left, you bet it is. It is a very lost and odd feeling to know you have no parents. Instead of thinking of it like that I have come to a personal decision to focus on who I do have here now and love them and spend time with them any chance I get. I am going to try and live my life to the best of my ability and care for those in my life to the best of my ability. Nothing will ever replace the missing pieces I feel for each of these losses, most importantly, my son. However, I can't stop my life because I am sad or feel lost. I want/need to be strong for my sisters and any other family member that might be struggling. I can't do that if I am stuck in my own grief.
How ever your grief process is, embrace it. Own it and understand that it is okay to be sad and feel lost for a bit, but you have to be able to pick yourself up (with the help of those that love you) and find a way to live your best life.
For me, the best I hope for is to get back to close to where I was before losing momma, daddy, my mother in law and bonus mom, because I haven't been the same since the loss of my son. If I just get back to where I was after Chad then I will feel like I have made progress. That's my goal. I'm going to get back to where I was after Chad and go from there. It's my hope and prayer that all my siblings are able to do the same as well as daddy's siblings and rest of our family and friends that feel his loss.
