I’ve heard many times in my life that crying cleanses the
soul and sometimes it’s just good to cry.
I believe there might be some truth in that, but sometimes tears mean so
much more than just “crying”.
For me personally, some of my tears are heart wrenching
feelings that cannot be contained another moment. They have to fall or I feel I will explode.
Granted, I prefer to have those tearful moments in
private. That doesn’t mean it always
only happens in private, but that’s what I prefer.
I attended a funeral this week and while he was 81 years old
and ready for heaven it is still hard to see those close to him breakdown. Beyond that, it’s amazing to me how the words
of a song can bring those same heart wrenching tears to flow. That’s what happened to me this week.
Now, if you know me at all, you know I have a soft heart and
I can literally cry at commercials and do, often. However, unless you truly and deeply know me
you may not know that many times than not my tears are more of the heart
wrenching kind.
So many everyday things take me right back to losing my
son. I am only 15 days away from the 8th
anniversary of the day my son left this earth.
I won’t lie, it feels like yesterday!
It always feels as raw as that day on 12-1-10. I don’t believe that will ever change, for me
anyway. That’s fine. As I’ve said more than once, I never want it
to get easy to miss my son. He was my
heart and soul and I miss him with every breath I take and I will until have
taken that last breath.
It’s an odd feeling I get every time I hear of the passing
of someone/anyone and writing it and someone else reading it may sound very
strange and if you have never lost a child you may not be able to understand, but
I actually find myself feeling jealous that they will get to see my baby boy
before I do. You don’t have to say it, I
know it sounds crazy, but that is exactly how I feel…
I know one day I will be reunited with him, but honestly, one
day isn’t good enough for me. I want to
see his face now.
If only heaven wasn’t so far away…
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