Sisters...

I’ve written about sisters before, but my heart is heavy right now and I felt the need to get my feelings out and written down so hopefully I can move forward with whatever that might be. 

If you do not have sisters you will not understand this blog, but if you do, I’m sure you can relate if not already, eventually.

Sisters are complicated.  Let me explain.  They are your first best friend(s), but as best friends go there are always dynamics that impact that relationship.  I love all my sisters and we all each have our own individual “type” of relationship with each other.  There are times when some don’t speak and other times we can’t get enough of each other.

I miss my sisters especially when things seem to be strained or just not as it had been.  If you add other dynamics like “Life” it can feel like it adds additional strain on an already strained relationship.  That’s when I miss my sisters the most.  My love for them hasn’t changed, but the closeness isn’t there (at least for me) and I miss that more than words could possibly explain.

We always find our way back to each other and pick right up where we left off, but until that time comes and things are cleared it can be very hard and honestly extremely lonely. 

Maybe I rely on my relationships with my sisters too much and maybe that’s why it hurts as much as it does and sometimes I don’t know how to correct the situation or how/when to take the first step to improving. 

We all have other hard things going on in our lives and we don’t always see past our hard stuff to see or understand their hard stuff and I’m as guilty as any for that, but it doesn’t make the feeling of distance feel any better quite the opposite.

So, when I say complicated, these relationships are just that at times (again, speaking for myself), but when they are good it’s the most amazing relationship/friendship in the world.

I’m in a very lonely place right now in my relationships with my sisters and not for any one thing or person, just in general.  My problem is, I don’t know how to get out of it and not to have a pity party, but it doesn’t seem I can do or say anything right lately and that makes me knowing what to do next even harder.  I own that and I will have to figure out how to either fix it or learn to live with it.   I certainly hope and pray that there is a fix and not a new normal for the rest of our lives.  That breaks my heart thinking of that as an option.