Well, I've tried since 12-1-17 to write this letter to you and I have struggled so much this time for some reason. Maybe it's because so much has happened over the last seven years, but regardless, here goes another attempt.
It's hard to believe you have been gone from this earth for seven years, but you have. I truly felt that on December 1, 2010 my heart would have stopped beating, but it didn't. The days continued, work continued, life continued and yet there are still more days than not that I feel I am merely floating through this thing called life in a fog. I'm truly not sure that will ever change.
I wanted to write you a letter today, although I know you will never read it, it somehow makes me feel better to tell you things I would have told you all these years. Oh boy, has there been a lot that has happened over these seven years too.
How do I even start to fill you in. There is no way to get the timeline accurate, but I will just share some things that I feel were big things over this time.
First and foremost you need to know that Tebo has been amazing. He has been there every step of the way making sure I am as okay as I can be without you here. You would be very proud of how he has loved your momma bear through all of this.
Well, I know you would be curious about BoBo and sadly, he has been through a lot and most of that has been in the last year. He had a stroke (at least one) and a heart attack and ended up with open heart surgery. What you won't be shocked about is the fact that he was so close to death several times and pulled through like a true Marine. :) The saddest part of that was his dementia not only got worse, but he was also diagnosed with emerging Alzheimer's and that has progressively gotten worse and depending on what is going on around him it is more obvious than other days, but he will sadly continue to decline. Then you have Nana, who you know was still recovering from open heart surgery herself when you married and while hers has not progressed as much as BoBo's, you can definitely tell she is declining as well. She has had a stroke and some additional heart surgeries and still facing at least one more, but she fell in the shower and broke her shoulder so that has unfortunately set her back quite a bit. I have to say, Stacy and Leckey are doing a great job of taking care of them and making sure they are ok. I wish I was in a position to be over there more, but so far I've not been a huge help. I'm hoping once we get back from San Diego for Christmas and my hip is better (I will explain later) I will at least be able to go over on weekends and help more.
We did finally end up selling their place (sadly not as soon as we had hoped), but they have had to move in with Aunt Stacy and Uncle Leckey and the kids and that has been more than difficult for everyone over there. It's hard enough to know your parents have lost a lot if not all their independence, but just the added burden to Aunt Stacy's family has been tough for them all as well. They are making the best of it and all we can do is pray it gets some better although we know the parents will only decline from here rather than improve and that's hard to know and watch.
Poor Granny. When I started this letter to you I was explaining how she was in the last stage of Alzheimer's and it was so sad and that Aunt Paige finds herself doing the majority of the caregiving even though PaPa is still there. However, Christmas Day she got really sick and wasn't acting just right to they took her to the hospital and she had suffered multiple strokes, started aspirating which caused pneumonia. She couldn't speak or explain how she felt. Needless to say, you know this already, but she went home to be with the Lord on the 29th. We were still in San Diego, CA trying to get a flight out to get to NC as quickly as we could. We weren't able to get there until Sunday afternoon. We had all the services on that Tuesday and then we had to come back home the next day. That was hard to do for sure. It's all truly very sad to witness and I'm glad you aren't having to experience that heartache. (yes, you will be happy to know that I have put it in writing in my living trust/will that when I can no longer care for myself or be left alone that I am to be put in a facility, following your wishes LOL).
Ok, onto something happier. Peanut is so grown up. She is so beautiful and Chad, she has one of the kindest hearts and you would not only be so proud of her, but you would want to lock her up too. She has discovered social media and boys. LOL! Scooter is a hoot. He does already have some attitude, but he is so funny and he is giving his mom a fit at times, but both of them are such good kids. You would be so proud of them both. They both enjoy hunting (Peanut more than Scooter for sure), but they both got a deer this year. Peanut loves to use a bow and she is good. You would so love to just hang out with them and go hunting and fishing. I just hate you aren't here to enjoy that with them.
Jorden graduated from nursing school and is just gorgeous (although she would never think so herself, she really is). She is actually living in Charleston, NC right now (well when I started this letter), she has now taken a job with Connie in Georgia right now and deciding what she wants to do and where she wants to live. I love that she can explore all her options and just enjoy life. Can you believe that? I'm so proud that she graduated college and is living on her own and doing so well. She pays her own bills and is very independent. I knew she always would be. You should see how good she was with Granny and how good she was with BoBo. It's really sweet. Aunt Paige and Uncle Rodney are doing really well also. It's been a huge strain with having to care for Granny, but they are handling it really well and now that Granny is no longer trapped in her old body, maybe they can start enjoying life a little more and have more freedom.
So for your friends. Well, Across the street Justin has two babies! He named his first born Bentley Wade after you. He now has a baby girl named Scarlett and Chad, she has RED hair! She is so cute. They both are so adorable.
Tyler and Desi have two babies. First a baby Girl named Hudson, and now a baby boy named Walker. Adorable doesn't come close. They are so cute and that Hudson is such a cutie, she would have you wrapped around your little finger (for the record, she has Tyler & Clint wrapped). They are so good to come see us as much as they can.
Clint and Emily now have a new baby and guess what? They named him William Wade after Clint and you! Emily said he is named after his daddy and his daddy's best friend. I just bawled (happy tears). Chad, he is so stinking cute. You would love him. You would love all these littles we have around here now. We don't get to see them as often as we would like since they are in Iowa, but every time they are in town they make a point to come see us. Chad, all your friends loved you so much that they have now turned that love towards Tebo and I and make a point to keep us involved with their lives. We are adoptive grandparents to so many babies and it does my heart so much good.
The Boohers have baby boys! YES, 2 more Booher boys. :D We all tease them about that, but they are so cute and what's even sweeter is that they are both very close like Billy and Bobby are. They both married really sweet girls.
Talk about a sweet girl, Dylan married a doll. She is from Italy and she is so pretty, but she is the kind of person that you feel like you have known all your life. She gave us great suggestions for our trip to Italy and she was absolutely correct. We are hoping to get to see them more often since he is now stationed in Kentucky (IKR, Kentucky after Italy & Hawaii).
Work has been insane over the past several months and it's been a true struggle for me, but I'm sticking it out until I can retire or maybe do something part time. Right now that's not in the cards, but we are really close to paying off my car and we are working to pay extra on the house in the hopes that I can sooner than later, but I'm probably still looking at 2 to 4 years.
We sold our house! I know! It definitely wasn't in the plan, but Tebo thought we would just test the market before leaving for vacation and wouldn't you know, it sold in 4 days at full asking price. I was shocked and then overwhelmed as we were in Europe and had no where to live and had to be moved out in 30 days. Needless to say, again, Tebo came through and found us a house on an acre of land and we were able to move in the same day we moved out. I don't know how he does that, but he never ceases to amaze me. I'm starting to get used to the new house, but I'm still adjusting to say the least. Yes, you have a room and yes, I put your bat behind the door first thing and put your cereal bowl in the cabinet and your no scent laundry soap in the laundry room. I promised you I would and I have every time. Your room isn't quite put together like I want it yet, but I will be working on that over the next few months after the squirrel hunt. I've not been able to go up and down the stairs with my hip yet so I'm behind my schedule, but I will get it done.
As for everything else, things are pretty good. Tia moved back in with us to save some money and hopefully buy a house. Trevor has a roommate and stayed in their apartment. We don't see him often so we assume that means he is doing well. Candi and Nathan have Lil Miss and seem very happy. We would love to see the baby more often, but they are where they need to be. Tebo's mom is still hanging in there and while her body is wanting to give out on her, her mind is still sharp.
Saying I miss being able to share all this with you here is an understatement. I know you are in a far better place than I am, but I hate being on this earth without you. I love you son and if I am breathing I am missing you.
Love,
Momma Bear
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| My memory same day in 2017 (you were so little) |
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| On 12-1-17 I made our "special" meal (it's still good) |
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