Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Seventh Easter

It's hard to believe this year will be the seventh Easter without you.  I know Easter was never filled with candy for you, but it was always filled with love and family.  As I sit here and reflect on Easter this year there are so many mixed emotions.  First, I'm tired of having special events or holidays or heck, any day without you.  It does NOT get easier or better regardless what people try to tell you.  It's never easy being without you and frankly I wouldn't want it to be.
What has added to my sadness this year is BoBo being in the hospital.  Don't get me wrong, at least he is just in the hospital and still with us and frankly a few weeks ago that didn't seem like it would be the case.  However, he is still sick and may never be the BoBo we had before he got sick.  That really makes me sad.
Another thing that makes me sad this year is how stress, fear, and sadness can shake up a family.  I know when we are scared or facing the unknown it can cause tension and emotions to be very high.  I would love if at those times in our lives that we could rise above and just bond and become closer, but I guess the human nature is drawn a different direction and sadly, that's how it feels parts of our family has gone. 
I love my family and I love having sisters and brothers to lean on and rejoice with when things are good, but honestly it has felt like we have been struggling to pull together.  I'm not sure why unless it is the fact that the rock of our family has been shaken and almost taken from us if this is all our way to cope or what, but it isn't fun to feel so much distance and strife exist among us.
One thing I am certain of is when the chips are down we will definitely pull together and we support each other and it is my hope and prayer that I see this happen sooner than later.  There is just enough sadness in this world and our family has been through far more than it's share of it's own sadness that I feel we deserve a chance to pull together and be as one united front again.  I have to hold out hope that this will indeed happen.
In the meantime, I will continue to do what I can to be a strong daughter, mother, sister, and Ammy until which time we all come together and until I can see you again.  Trust me, the moment we are reunited cannot come soon enough for me.  There are days that I truly ache for that day to come and I will attempt to be as patient as I possibly can for that day, but it doesn't mean it will be easy.
I hope you know that I try daily to be a better person and the best version of myself and I do a lot of that for you.  I fail many times and at times I fail miserably, but I keep trying each and every day.
I will spend Easter with BoBo in the hospital and we will both be missing you terribly, but also know that you will be having a much better Easter than any of us.  I love you sweet boy and you are missed beyond words. 

Your 1st Easter you both slept through the whole hunt at Grandmother's

BoBo in the hospital after his open heart surgery April 2017

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