I’ve written about sisters before, but my heart is heavy right now and I felt the need to get my feelings out and written down so hopefully I can move forward with whatever that might be.
If you do not have sisters you will not understand this
blog, but if you do, I’m sure you can relate if not already, eventually.
Sisters are complicated.
Let me explain. They are your
first best friend(s), but as best friends go there are always dynamics that
impact that relationship. I love all my
sisters and we all each have our own individual “type” of relationship with
each other. There are times when some
don’t speak and other times we can’t get enough of each other.
I miss my sisters especially when things seem to be strained
or just not as it had been. If you add
other dynamics like “Life” it can feel like it adds additional strain on an
already strained relationship. That’s
when I miss my sisters the most. My love
for them hasn’t changed, but the closeness isn’t there (at least for me) and I miss
that more than words could possibly explain.
We always find our way back to each other and pick right up
where we left off, but until that time comes and things are cleared it can be
very hard and honestly extremely lonely.
Maybe I rely on my relationships with my sisters too much
and maybe that’s why it hurts as much as it does and sometimes I don’t know how
to correct the situation or how/when to take the first step to improving.
We all have other hard things going on in our lives and we
don’t always see past our hard stuff to see or understand their hard stuff and I’m
as guilty as any for that, but it doesn’t make the feeling of distance feel any
better quite the opposite.
So, when I say complicated, these relationships are just
that at times (again, speaking for myself), but when they are good it’s the
most amazing relationship/friendship in the world.
I’m in a very lonely place right now in my relationships
with my sisters and not for any one thing or person, just in general. My problem is, I don’t know how to get out of
it and not to have a pity party, but it doesn’t seem I can do or say anything
right lately and that makes me knowing what to do next even harder. I own that and I will have to figure out how
to either fix it or learn to live with it.
I certainly hope and pray that there is a fix and not a new normal for
the rest of our lives. That breaks my
heart thinking of that as an option.
