5 years ago...

On this day, 9-18-09, 5 years ago I had the privilege and honor of watching my son marry his love.  It was a hard and wonderful day at the same time.  I loved her and was so happy to see him so happy, but I had always been the only girl in his life and suddenly I find myself needing to learn how to share his time and space and that is not something that just comes naturally, especially when he had never dated anyone before for me to practice with.  :)

It was a beautiful wedding and as much as I hated that their wedding day landed on Trevor's birthday, he didn't seem to mind sharing his day with them and for that I was so grateful.  There were so many wonderful aspects of their special day and while I won't bore you with the details, I will say it felt good to see him so happy and experience love like he did.  I was very grateful (and still am today) to her for allowing me the privilege of seeing that.

Who knew only a few short weeks after celebrating their 1 year anniversary all our lives would change forever.  Every year I made a point to send her a card or a text or something to let her know I was thinking of her.  I didn't want to make her sad or anything, but I did want her to know that I cared and that I knew she was hurting and missing him.

This year I've decided it is time for me to allow her to continue moving forward and not reach out.  She is in a beautiful relationship with someone that seems to be amazing to her and for her.  I may not have actually met him at this time, but I feel like I know him and truthfully just knowing she is happy is enough for me.

It is my prayer that she doesn't feel I've just forgotten about her or don't care, because I truly do.  There isn't a moment that they shared that I don't remember or think about, but I know it's time for me to let her move on completely and remove myself from her life to a point.  I know she will always be a part of my life and I also know in a small way I will always be a part of her life through Chad and for that I am grateful.  I think we just know when it's time to let go and let be and for me, this year seems to be the time to do that.

So for me and my own heart, I'm thinking of my son's bride and hoping her day today is filled with more smiles than tears and that she is continuing to find true happiness after having lost so much so young and so quickly.  As for Trevor, thank you for sharing your birthday with something that turned out to be the biggest event of my son's life and to her, thank you for allowing me to have that chance to watch my son get married.  It could have very easily turned out differently and I would have never gotten to know what that feeling was like, so thank you.  She knows who she is...

In honor of Trevor's 19th birthday and in loving memory of Chad's wedding day I share this picture.  This was such a happy day and I never take for granted how lucky I was to have this experience and see my baby boy in love, happy, and a married man. 

9-18-09