You know, no days are great since losing my only child December 1, 2010. They may never be the same kind of great that I would experience when he was on this earth, however, there are good days and there are great moments in time, but each of those days bring a small twinge of sadness that he isn't here to experience/share those times with us.
Sadly one of those moments occurred over the last few weeks when my other younger sister was diagnosed with breast cancer which we know has spread to at least one lymph node. It brings a whole other dimension to life and the way we view life as we know/knew it. For me, I would give anything to take that cancer from her and fight it myself instead of her. She has a daughter that needs her and she needs and the last thing she should worry about is fighting this disease and the fear of it happening to her daughter.
We also lost our bonus mom in April and that has caused a ripple affect across many aspects of all our lives and in particular, daddy. Yes, he has handled it like a champ like we all knew he would, but it's been different. He has Dementia and Encroaching Alzheimer's and while we don't really know the impact of her passing has actually had on the disease, things do seem different.
My other younger sister is in the last few years of her teenagers being home, her husband travels far for work every week and is only home on weekends when he can get away from the job which makes life very difficult on all of them and tends to add more confusion or stress (we aren't sure what it might be) to daddy when all he wants to do is help my brother in law not have to work so much, but also knowing he doesn't feel very helpful these days as his little mind doesn't operate as it used to.
With all that going on Tebo and I decided to offer for daddy to move in with us and give Stacy and her family a chance to relish in the last few years of her teenagers being home and give her the flexibility to go be with Paige during this cancer journey since she has personally experienced it first hand.
August 31, 2019 is the date that we are targeting to bring daddy over full time and start this new chapter for all of us. Yes, it will be an adjustment not only for daddy, but for Tebo and I as well. We have been empty nesters multiple times now, but this has been the longest stretch for our empty nest experience so starting over with daddy and this disease could pose a challenge at times, but also a chance to make wonderful memories with him as long as we have him on this earth. Daddy will turn 78 years old in 7 days and we know with each year that passes means likely less days on this earth. During that time it is our goal as a total family to ensure that he has the happiest, content, and peaceful time he possibly can.
Tebo and I are very aware that he may get over here and hate it. He may not like "volunteering" at the center or he may get terribly bored with not a lot of yard to mow or animals to care for, but he also may thrive in the socializing at the center and he may learn a new passion to fill his days. He may relish in having a structured routine and just being in the house with us and enjoying knowing what he will be doing each day. If he hates it after giving it plenty of time for adjustment, then we will regroup and determine what is best for him. We are not opposed to every pretend that we absolutely know what is best for him. This is just an option we now have and the timing seems to be good with school starting back and sports ramp up for Stacy and her kids and will hopefully give her more flexibility to see her husband more often knowing she won't have to worry about what to do with daddy each time. That's my hope and prayer anyway.
Tebo and I know this isn't going to be a cake walk. We aren't blind to that, but we are on a more routine schedule that daddy likes and we keep the same hours so it's our hope that this works well for him.
We spent this last weekend finalizing his room and got his bed put together so he feels it is his and he isn't just visiting and using someone else's bed. It's his. We will bring whatever pictures he wants to hang on his walls and we will do our best to make him feel like our house is also his house.
There will be bumps in the road I'm sure. He will have good days and bad days as I'm sure we will also, but our first and most important goal is to care for him like we feel he needs and do the best for him for as long as we can.
Sadly with this disease, small suggestions can become a big obsession with him. If someone reminds him of something he may be missing, he will struggle. All we can do is hope and pray that everyone that is in communication with him encourages this new chapter and helps lift him up other than remind him of things that may not be available for him now. There are things he needs to give up, smoking being the biggest of them all. Smoking has been proven to be one of the worse things for this disease and we don't allow smoking at our house. I know it will be a challenge at first and I will do all I can to ease this transition as much as I can, but it will take the family and friends as a whole to make this successful and I just pray this can be achieved.
I know my family and his friends love him enough to do anything and everything to make him happy regardless where he lives, so my prayer is that is the approach each and everyone of us, including Tebo and I are able to do for daddy.
